On Monday, NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue announced that he will retire in July. Tagliabue has had a highly regarded tenure since replacing Pete Rozelle in 1989. No work stoppages have occurred on his watch, and the NFL’s popularity towers over other professional sports leagues.
The departing commissioner has an endless number of possibilities for what he can do next. One can only imagine what suggestions that other public figures who have retired would have for him. Here’s how a few individuals – past and present - might have advised Tagliabue on how to spend his retirement.
Keith Jackson: Return in the fall, but only as the commissioner for west coast teams
Michael Jordan: Try your luck at minor league baseball
Jim Brown: Become a film action hero
Sugar Ray Leonard: Un-retire a bunch of times before the retirement actually sticks
Richard Nixon: Fly off in a helicopter and get pardoned by Gerald Ford
Johnny Carson: Before you go, get Bette Midler to come by and sing to you
Roger Clemens: Keep people in the dark about whether you’re really retiring or not
Bill Clinton: Have your wife run for the Senate
John Wooden: Watch as replacements regularly get hired, then fired for not measuring up to you
Grace Kelly: Marry a European prince
Mark McGwire: Refuse to talk about the past
Joe Namath: Show up drunk on the sideline and hit on a reporter
Ted Koppel: Have three people take your place
Secretariat: Get put out to stud, siring potential future commissioners
Joe Paterno: Retire? What does that mean?
Tagliabue does not plan to immediately move into a retirement home. However, when that day arrives, the facility will surely be equipped with luxury boxes. And the bingo games will be played under a revenue-sharing agreement.
