Wednesday, November 22, 2006

A Tom Hanks-Themed Recap Of MLB's Award Winners

Minnesota Twins first baseman Justin Morneau was named as the 2006 American League Most Valuable Player on Tuesday. With that announcement, the list of individual award winners for the major league baseball season is now complete. As a two-time Academy Award winner, Tom Hanks can relate to the honorees. Having portrayed manager Jimmy Dugan in A League Of Their Own, Hanks is certainly in favor of promoting excellence in baseball. With that spirit in mind, here is a Tom Hanks-themed recap of MLB’s 2006 individual award winners.

Justin Morneau, AL MVP: The Terminal. Viktor Navorski was thrilled to arrive at JFK Airport but was not allowed to leave. Similarly, the Twins were excited to make the postseason but then went nowhere.

Ryan Howard, NL MVP & Hank Aaron Award: Philadelphia. The city’s sports outlook is often more depressing than the movie, but the Phillies’ slugger gives even the most pessimistic fans hope.

Johan Santana, AL Cy Young Award: Cast Away. What batters usually were against the major league leader in wins, ERA, and strikeouts. They’d love for Santana to get stranded on a desert island.

Brandon Webb, NL Cy Young Award: You’ve Got Mail. Hanks and Meg Ryan fell in love on the web. The Arizona Diamondbacks are in love with their Webb.

Justin Verlander, AL Rookie of the Year: Sleepless In Seattle. If the Detroit Tiger’s right arm holds up, he’ll cause hitters in Seattle and every other American League city to lose sleep.

Hanley Ramirez, NL Rookie of the Year: Catch Me If You Can. The Florida Marlins’ lead-off man used his speed for 51 stolen bases and 119 runs. However, his club was far more low-budget than a Spielberg movie.

Jim Leyland, AL Manager of the Year: Punchline. The Tigers were a long-time joke before Leyland took over. This season, only their World Series fielding provided comedy.

Joe Girardi, NL Manager of the Year: Joe Versus The Volcano. Girardi faced impossible odds in leading the inexperienced Marlins. After his one season, the front office sent him on the Road To Perdition.

Derek Jeter, AL Hank Aaron Award: The Ladykillers. The New York Yankees shortstop is reportedly dating Jessica Biel, the latest in a long line of babes. She thinks he’s a better kisser than A-Rod.

Jim Thome, AL Comeback Player of the Year: Big. The huge designated hitter for the Chicago White Sox slammed 42 home runs. And he’s only 13!

Nomar Garciaparra, NL Comeback Player of the Year: Toy Story. Woody and Buzz Lightyear played with a little guy. Nomar plays for a guy named Little.

Mariano Rivera, Delivery Man Award: Saving Private Ryan. No one saves better than Rivera, and he does it efficiently. He’d have had Matt Damon home in half an hour.

Carlos Delgado, Roberto Clemente Award: Nothing In Common. A comparison of the payrolls for Delgado’s former (Florida Marlins) and current (New York Mets) teams.

Tomorrow is a day to give thanks. Today, I’ve been happy to give Hanks.