Why Miami Won the NBA Title

Tuesday night the Miami Heat held off the Dallas Mavericks 95-92 in Game 6 to capture the NBA championship. After squandering a 2-0 series lead, the Mavericks are left to ponder what might have been. Meanwhile, Finals MVP Dwyane Wade has entered a rarefied air, while Shaquille O’Neal and Pat Riley have earned another ring. The following reasons explain why South Florida is celebrating today.


Carolina Hurricanes. With one destructive weather pattern winning a title this week, the Heat was bound to follow suit.

Florida Marlins. The baseball club is on a surprising nine-game winning streak. The Heat had to keep winning to have any hope of maintaining local sports fans’ interest.

L.A. sports talk radio. Sure, the Dodgers are in contention, but Angelenos would prefer yet another opportunity to analyze the breakup of Shaq and Kobe.

Uphill fight for Howards. Ryan Howard drove in seven runs Tuesday night, yet the Phillies still lost to the Yankees. So why would 14 points and 12 rebounds be enough for Josh Howard?

German sports fans. With all their energy focused on the World Cup, they had no positive energy to send across the Atlantic to Dirk Nowitzki. You can’t get all your inspiration from David Hasselhoff.

Master of Champions. If the series had gone seven games, you’d have to wait beyond Thursday to see the blind-folded foot archery display on ABC. America needs its bizarre reality shows NOW!

Alonzo Mourning’s legacy. It’s just inconceivable that a longtime center from Georgetown could end his NBA career without a championship.

1992 NBA draft. Shaq and Mourning were the top two selections that year. So next season, the team that unites Chris Webber and Shawn Bradley – 1 & 2 in 1993 – will win the title.

Terrell Owens. T.O. had nothing to do with the Mavericks’ loss, but Dallas sports fans might as well get used to focusing their wrath on him.

CBS Lineup. Dallas is long gone, but CSI: Miami is on fire. As Riley does with Gary Payton, the CSI techs put Gloves to good use.

Florida hoops glory. On the heels of the Gators’ NCAA championship, the Heat made it a college/pro sweep for the Sunshine State. With basketball such a force, you have to wonder if football will ever catch on in Florida.

Stan Van Gundy. The former Heat coach misplaced his Pat Riley voodoo doll over the last four games.

3-Pointers are for suckers. The Heat was 2-18 from long range in game 6. Reggie Miller retired before this season because he knew that 3-pointers were no longer important.

Ownership. Heat owner Micky Arison is #94 on Forbes magazine’s list of the “World’s Richest People.” Mark Cuban, at #428, simply did not have the resources to compete.

2003 NBA draft. With a championship ring of his own, Wade can finally stop being jealous of Darko Milicic.


The NBA’s attention now turns to next week’s draft. That event brings a phrase you won’t soon hear again: “The Toronto Raptors are in the spotlight.”

Dallas vs. Miami: Storylines of the NBA Finals

Saturday night, the Dallas Mavericks triumphed 102-93 in Phoenix to eliminate the Suns. They will join the Miami Heat in a very intriguing championship series beginning on Thursday. The following analysis dissects the series’ major storylines and reveals which team has the edge in each area.


First-Timers: For the first time since 1971, the NBA Finals match two franchises who have never previously been finalists. To hype the series, Dwyane Wade and Dirk Nowitzki will pose like Steve Carell for a poster labeled “The Finals Virgins.” The series MVP will go on to have sex with Catherine Keener. Neither franchise is 40, but Dallas has been waiting longer for this special moment. Advantage: Dallas

The Supreme Court: Dallas assistant Rolando Blackman was a four-time All-Star as a Maverick player. However, he was not the force that Dwyane Wade is for the Heat. So there’s no question who wins “Ro vs. Wade.” Advantage: Miami

American Airlines: The Heat plays in American Airlines Arena, while Dallas calls the American Airlines Center home. The Mavericks’ best player is from Germany, so they get the edge in frequent flyer miles. Advantage: Dallas

Cubans: Miami has a huge Cuban population. But none are worth billions, like Mavs owner Mark Cuban. Advantage: Dallas

Anti-France Movement: Dallas has incurred the wrath of France by eliminating Tony Parker, then Boris Diaw. Miami has wisely kept Frenchmen off of its roster. Advantage: Miami

Nicknames: By definition, Heat is a stifling force. Maverick scores points for nailing Kelly McGillis, but his preferred wing man is Goose, not Jason Terry. Advantage: Miami

Wanna Hear Some Impressions?: Shaquille O’Neal and Dallas coach Avery Johnson will inspire countless half-assed celebrity impersonations from the media. Johnson hasn’t been mimicked quite as much as Shaq, so “the Avery” might be more entertaining. Advantage: Dallas

80s TV Shows: Miami Vice was more trendy, but Dallas delivered huge numbers with “Who Shot J.R.?” Southfork wins over South Beach. Advantage: Dallas

College Bowl Games: For a long time, the Cotton Bowl was on par with the Orange Bowl. But the annual game in Dallas has slipped since the demise of the Southwest Conference, named for the airline. Advantage: Miami

Florida vs. Texas: The states have met in the Finals once before. In 1995, Shaquille O’Neal’s Orlando Magic got swept by the Houston Rockets. Do not be surprised if Dallas activates Hakeem Olajuwon. Advantage: Dallas

Second-Best: This spring has been brutal for #1 seeds. None made the Final Four, the Red Wings and Senators fell before the conference finals, and the Pistons and Spurs are sitting at home. Thus, Miami and Dallas were wise in having the second-best record in their respective conferences. Give the Heat an edge for having the second-best record of the two. Advantage: Miami

Super Bowl VI Revenge: The Cowboys thumped the Dolphins 24-3 in Super Bowl VI. Roger Staubach, the Heat is coming for you! Advantage: Miami

Glory Road: In the film, coming out on DVD this week, Pat Riley loses in the finals to a team from Texas. Unfortunately for the Miami coach, this series is also being produced by Jerry Bruckheimer. Advantage: Dallas

Walkers: Filmed in Dallas, Walker, Texas Ranger has been off the air since 2001. But Antoine Walker is still draining threes for the Heat. Advantage: Miami

T-Mobile Ads: The Heat have eliminated Vince Carter and Ben Wallace, who both appear in T-Mobile commercials. To avoid such bad luck, Dallas has chosen not to activate me - the happy dad eating a Cobb salad in a new T-Mobile spot. That’s really the only reason I’m not suiting up for the Dallas Mavericks. Advantage: Dallas


Tallying up the results, it’s Dallas 8, Miami 7. So the Mavericks will win a tight series, which goes the full 15 games.