College Football Limericks

In a season filled with surprise
Who will play for the nation’s top prize?
Next Sunday we’ll see
Who the two teams will be
But it won’t be the usual guys


It was thought LSU was the best
They still are – in the SEC West
But thanks to McFadden
Their fans were quite saddened
By the high-scoring Razorback guests


It was heartbreak for Les Miles’ men
With a 3-OT loss once again
Just like at Kentucky
They came up unlucky
Now Les will go to the Big Ten


In the Border War at Arrowhead
The Jayhawks could not stop the spread
At least they have hoops
But they won’t face Bob Stoops
Since in football, their hopes are now dead


A great night it was for Mizzou
As Chase Daniel’s profile grew
There was one central key
To this huge victory:
They were playing against number two


Now unless West Virginia’s upset
A title game shot they’ll get
There’s no way they should fall
In the Backyard Brawl
As long as Pitt’s coached by Wannstedt


But if it’s the Panthers’ night
Or the Sooners exert their might
Then a group of Buckeyes
Will compete for the prize
With no scary Gators in sight


It’s just been a crazy fall
In the world of college football
But this fact, by far
Is what’s most bizarre:
There’s no playoff to settle it all!

Brett Favre Limericks

After Sunday’s NFL action, five teams stand at 3-0. The most surprising unblemished record belongs to Green Bay, which turned back visiting San Diego 31-24. One not-so-shocking aspect of the game was that Packers quarterback Brett Favre tied another league record, matching Dan Marino with 420 career touchdown passes. Clearly Favre’s resume is impressive enough to warrant some limericks in his honor. Here are a few.


There is a QB named Brett
Lots of NFL records he’s set
It’s easy to state
What’s made him so great:
He doesn’t suit up for the Jets

He’s linked to Miami’s Marino
Setting records just like the Bambino
“Your QB won’t fail
If he’s not stuck in jail”
Says Falcons coach Bobby Petrino

Brett’s always been quite a dice roller
Not afraid to get smacked in the molars
He replaced Don Majkowski
And like The Big Lebowski
He’d soon be a Super Bowler

He played college with Golden Eagles
With the Packers his status is regal
Every year it’s the same
He misses no games
Just like the old punter Jeff Feagles

He makes escapes like MacGyver
Thanks to help he gets from Donald Driver
Brett knows to succeed
A good partner you need
Like Arnold has Maria Shriver

For him it’s the ultimate rush
To leave Soldier Field fans in a hush
A three-time MVP
It’s easy to see
Why he’s John Madden’s biggest man-crush

For so long this franchise he’s led
But soon comes the day Pack fans dread
He will have to go
And you’ll see at Lambeau
Lots of tears underneath the Cheeseheads

The Pro Commissioners' Week in Limericks

As a fan it's the ultimate wish
To be a pro sport's big fish
But when scandal and shame
Overshadow the game
It's a tough week to be a commish

One who knows this is Roger Goodell
Dogged by cruelty in the NFL
He's dying to see
The Falcons' QB
Get mauled by a pit bull in hell

Of David Stern's fears in b-ball
A game-fixing ref's worst of all
While the mob turned vicious
The feds got suspicious
When Tim made a travelling call

Bud Selig is also quite sick
At the park that replaced Candlestick
In the shadow of 'roids
He cannot avoid
Watching Barry hit 756

But amid all the media fuss
Gary Bettman's no gloomy Gus
"This week's not so rocky"
Crowed the leader of hockey
"'Cause nobody cares about us!"

March Madness Limericks

Today provides two huge reasons to celebrate – St. Patrick’s Day, and another full day of NCAA tournament action. To honor the Big Dance and all things Irish, I will share these March Madness limericks with you. Feel free to raise a glass before enjoying them.

When it’s time for your office pool

Be careful when picking your school

If they lose right away

Co-workers will say

“Have fun in last place, you fool”

It’s a big time for all the mid-majors

Who could bring huge returns on your wagers

When they beat a top seed

Lots of fans will have need

For a couple of shots of Jager

When a shocking bid went to Air Force

Cincinnati fans screamed themselves hoarse

As the Illini

Bid the Falcons goodbye

The Bearcats remarked “Of course!”

Last week A&M was in trouble

As they struggled with life on the bubble

Now they’re into round two

To take on LSU

After leaving the Orange in rubble

There is a 9 seed named Bucknell

Thanks to them last year Kansas fell

Now the Bison are back

So beware Razorbacks

Or you’ll have 40 minutes of hell

When IU hit from long range late

They survived San Diego State

Davis is still around

For at least one more round

So the pleas for Steve Alford can wait

When Pacific matched up with BC

They battled through double OT

The Eagles were winners

Relieving Al Skinner

Who thought “these nail-biters kill me”

When it seemed that Gonzaga would crack

Morrison put them on his back

He scored 35

So the Zags would survive

Unlike the Nevada Wolf Pack

Last season the title was Roy’s

But this year he had to coach boys

All the critics threw up

As the freshmen grew up

And the Heels plan to make some more noise

It was hard for fans to believe

When a two seed the Vols received

Many thought they would drop

Right away to Winthrop

Until Lofton’s last-second heave

Now UCLA’s on a roll

With a Final Four berth as a goal

But if things fall apart

The fans can take heart

That USC lost the Rose Bowl

The Longhorns feel they have a chance

To celebrate next to Jim Nantz

Then Austin would rock

And claim the best jocks

As the hoopsters join Vince Young and Lance

Villanova has claimed a top seed

Thanks to guards with impressive speed

Though their team may be short

They feel a frontcourt

Is something they don’t really need

There is a proud coach named Calhoun

Who has Williams, Gay, Brown, and Boone

If his team comes to play

They could go all the way

But they might just as easily swoon

A top seed again goes to Duke

Whose success is surely no fluke

But when Dickie V screams

His love for this team

It makes other fans want to puke

When the tourney wraps up for the year

Then “One Shining Moment” you’ll hear

You may think it’s wrong

But this sappy song

Brings basketball fans to tears

Dodgers Injury Limericks

There was an outfielder named Drew

Whose times in the lineup were few

Watchful fans were alert

That he always was hurt

Except when his contract was due.

 

Another disabled Dodger, but one who has excelled for them:

 

Gagne was the Dodgers closer

To hitters he was a bulldozer

His Canadian heat

Would make them dead meat

As he told them, “Take off, you hosers!”

 

And a classic injured Dodger moment:

 

There was a hurt slugger named Kirk

Whose pinch-hitting seemed doomed not to work

Though his knees were a wreck

He went deep off of Eck

And the fans went completely berserk.

Today's Sports Limerick

There was a star golfer named Woods

Whose game was obnoxiously good

He had a great life

And a hot Swedish wife

If you don’t envy him, you should

Today's Sports Limerick

He gave forceful testimony

Said Canseco was full of baloney

But he was on the ‘roids

And the fans are annoyed

Hey Raffy, now who’s the phony?

Today's Sports Limerick

There was an old pitcher named Roger

Who struck out Cubs, Reds, and Dodgers

On every fifth day

Angry hitters would say

“I hate facing that old codger!”

Today's Sports Limerick

There was a great rider named Lance

Who crushed all his rivals in France

He won’t try for eight

But he will celebrate

As Sheryl Crow takes off his pants