Thursday, January 31, 2008

Other Bold Predictions From Plaxico

This week, Plaxico Burress made headlines by predicting that his underdog New York Giants will beat the undefeated New England Patriots 23-17 in Sunday’s Super Bowl. What went unreported is that Burress made several other bold predictions for the upcoming weekend. Here’s a look at Plaxico’s other prognostications.

The Patriots’ opening drive will stall, after Tom Brady receives a 15-yard penalty for “Excessive Dreaminess.”

The Memphis Tigers will be stunned at home by UTEP on Saturday, because no one leaves this weekend undefeated.

Like many dropouts, Rudy Giuliani and John Edwards will hitchhike across America and try to find themselves.

Cate Blanchett will be booted from the Oscar race after a positive steroid test.

A Super Bowl commercial will spark controversy by not including any Mannings.

During Sunday mass, Pope Benedict XVI will reference “the Gospel of Larry the Cable Guy…”

Skies in Des Moines will be mostly cloudy with a slight chance of precipitation.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers will open the Super Bowl halftime show with “Baby Got Back.”

As a Minnesota sports star, Adrian Peterson will prepare for his upcoming trade to a team in the Northeast.

Punxsutawney Phil will see his shadow, resulting in six more weeks of the writers’ strike.

Auburn University will expel students supporting Barack Obama, since he has “Bama” in his name.

Sit ‘N Sleep will beat anyone’s advertised price or your mattress is FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

After cutting interest rates, the Federal Reserve will announce plans to cut the Knicks’ payroll.

Ozzy Osbourne will demand that February be changed from Black History Month to Black Sabbath History Month.

The 2008 Pro Football Hall of Fame class will include the guy who invented the Cheesehead.