Thursday, May 29, 2008

This Day in History

Tomorrow is May 30, and given my overwhelming sense of anticipation, I’ll take a look back at the history books a day early. According to Wikipedia, all of these events took place on May 30. For some reason, the popular online encyclopedia ignores the sports angle to each of these occurrences. Therefore, for each entry I’ve added an extra sentence to fill in the gaps.

1431: Joan of Arc is burned at the stake. Observers label the LPGA’s steroid penalties as overly harsh.

1536: King Henry VIII of England marries third wife Jane Seymour. Wedding invitations refer to the ceremony as “Hank’s Three-Peat.”

1574: Henry III becomes King of France. Graciously, he allows Rafael Nadal to rule over Paris every June.

1806: Future President Andrew Jackson kills Charles Dickinson in a duel. Jackson then agrees to a boxing match versus Jose Canseco.

1854: The Kansas-Nebraska Act becomes law. The act legalizes lopsided Big XII basketball games.

1879: New York’s Gilmores Garden is renamed Madison Square Garden by William Henry Vanderbilt and is opened to the public. Vanderbilt immediately begins chanting, “Knicks Suck!”

1922: The Lincoln Memorial is dedicated in Washington, D.C. Due to Prohibition, Anheuser-Busch’s offer to sponsor the Bud Light Lincoln Memorial is denied.

1964: Singer Wynonna Judd is born. Though sister Ashley has not yet been born, the doctor remarks, “Okay, she’s a huge Kentucky fan! Enough already! I GET IT!”

1971: Mariner 9 is launched by NASA toward Mars. NASA is bitter that the Mariner 9 has the worst record in the American League.

1982: Spain becomes the 16th member of NATO. Previously, Spain was part of Conference USA.

Please have a safe and happy May 30!