Mickelson Joins Braves Bullpen

On the verge of winning his third consecutive major championship on Sunday, Phil Mickelson endured a historic collapse at the U.S. Open. Leading by one stroke at the 18th hole, Mickelson finished with a double-bogey to gift-wrap the title for Geoff Ogilvy. Afterwards Lefty announced that he will join forces with a group that is used to blowing leads. Mickelson has agreed to terms with the Atlanta Braves to join their bullpen.


Before his 2004 Masters victory, Lefty had been derided for coming up short in every major. However, with three major championships now under his belt and a fourth in sight, Mickelson was in territory only Tiger Woods could understand. Soon Tiger was replaced by Jean Van de Velde as Phil’s measuring stick. Sunday’s finish was the worst U.S. Open collapse since Tin Cup hit ball after ball into the water. Like Tin Cup, Mickelson’s playing partner on Sunday was Don Johnson.


Perhaps Mickelson could not finish effectively at Winged Foot because the sports gods had decided that there were already too many closers in New York. Mariano Rivera has stamped his ticket to Cooperstown during a sterling career with the Yankees. Likewise, Billy Wagner is a ninth-inning horse for the Mets, one of many acquisitions helping them to a dominant position in the National League East. However, unlike those two, Lefty was not allowed to have Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” blaring before stepping up to the 18th tee. With no head-banging inspiration available, he badly missed the fairway and later became a man entering the sand.


The Braves endured a collapse of their own on Sunday, with the bullpen allowing six eighth-inning runs in a 10-7 loss to the Boston Red Sox. The defeat was Atlanta’s seventh in a row. John Smoltz was in line for the win, but for the fifth time this season the bullpen cost him a victory. As a result, Smoltz has reportedly requested that his Home Depot commercial get pulled from the air. In the ad, a substitute takes over for him when he cannot complete his duties at the grill. Smoltz feels that the public will not believe that he can receive quality relief, remarking that a realistic portrayal would have the substitute griller setting the yard on fire.


The numbers for the bullpen are brutal. Braves relievers have an ERA over 5, and they have blown 14 of 29 save opportunities. Perhaps longtime pitching coach Leo Mazzone had good reason to bolt for Baltimore in the off-season. Even during the frequent good times for Atlanta since 1991, Mazzone was famous for his habit of rocking back and forth in the dugout. This season in the late innings, Mazzone might have chosen instead to repeatedly bang his head against the wall.


Things are so bad, the rotten luck has spread to other bullpens in Atlanta. Georgia Tech exited the College World Series after blowing late leads in each of its two games. At this point, the only quality closer from Atlanta is Brenda Johnson, the character played by Kyra Sedgwick in The Closer. In her case, TNT is a network. Otherwise, TNT is a substance less explosive than the Braves bullpen. They know drama.


Joining the Braves staff makes sense for Mickelson, since he has enjoyed his time in Georgia this year. Phil won his second Masters and third BellSouth Classic in 2006. In his first appearance at Turner Field, Lefty plans to wear a green jacket over his Braves uniform. Jim Nantz will take a turn on the P.A. system, telling Atlanta fans that they are witnessing a tradition unlike any other. The main difference from the Masters is that women have a better chance of playing at Turner Field than at Augusta National.


Smoltz, an avid golfer, is looking forward to having Mickelson as a teammate. He will have plenty of opportunities to use Phil’s insight on the course. Compared to past years, Smoltz will have far more time for golf this October.

Next Year's Masters: Match Play Between Tiger & Phil

Yesterday Phil Mickelson won his second green jacket with a two-stoke victory at the Masters. Mickelson replaced Tiger Woods as champion, with Tiger having captured his fourth title at Augusta National last year. Knowing that one or the other will inevitably triumph next year, tournament officials have made a ground-breaking decision. Only Phil and Tiger will be invited to the 2007 Masters, with the title to be decided by match play.


The two players have combined for the past three Masters championships and five of the last six. Tiger and Phil look like shopping buddies, as they take turns putting green jackets on the other. Still, the decision to include only those two is a radical departure from the standard proceedings. Augusta National Golf Club chairman Hootie Johnson responded, “We’re all about change. Nobody’s real big on tradition here.”


The match play showdown will be a one-day affair on Sunday, April 8. Asked why the first three days of competition have been eliminated, Johnson replied, “You’ve watched the past few years. It’s just gonna rain on those days, anyway.” Masters officials also acted in response to an old cliché about the tournament. If you watched much of the CBS coverage this weekend, you heard “They say The Masters doesn’t start until the back nine on Sunday” enough times to make a drinking game out of it. Tournament officials decided that since so many people say that, it must be true. However, for television purposes Phil and Tiger are still scheduled for 18 holes.


Next year’s format change will allow Augusta National to remain true to one of its hallmarks: exclusivity. The tournament is annually one of the toughest tickets in sports. Also, most people’s chances of joining the club are equivalent to the Best Picture odds on “The Benchwarmers.” By restricting the tournament to two players, Augusta National will take exclusivity to the next level. There is no word yet on whether Vijay Singh and Ernie Els will ask Martha Burk to rally on their behalf.


Johnson did emphasize that other players can still attend next year’s tournament, even if they are not competing. Past champions will receive coveted seats in Butler Cabin for a Texas Hold’em tournament. Rules for appropriate terminology will be in effect, similar to how club members insist on “second cut” instead of “rough” and “patrons” rather than “fans.” Therefore, participants will play for the “financial pool,” not the “pot.” Also, there will be no “flushes” within Butler Cabin. Instead, players will hope to have a “plumbing activity” in their hands.


In the meantime, top golfers can still look forward to the next major tournament – the U.S. Open in June. Last year’s edition, captured by Michael Campbell of New Zealand, was the only major in the last five that was not won by Mickelson or Woods. Like Augusta National, the host Winged Foot Golf Club will also feature an Amen Corner. That’s where golfers will be praying to beat Phil and Tiger.

Oh, To Be A Phil

This weekend was a great time for Phils in sports.  Phil Mickelson won his second major title with his victory at the PGA Championship.  The Phightin’ Phils swept the Padres in San Diego to draw to within 1/2 game of the NL wild card lead.  And rumor has it, Dr. Phil was unstoppable at the foosball table.

 

The lasting image of Mickelson’s triumph will be that of his two-year-old son Evan, running gleefully around the 18th green.  One can only hope that Evan gets a play date with Jack Roberts, who was a dancing machine as his father John Roberts was introduced as a Supreme Court nominee.  While not quite as youthful as Evan Mickelson, Chase Utley is a youngster who has delighted Phillies fans with his energy on the field.  His name sounds like an action movie in the realm of “Kill Bill” or “Get Carter.”  If Steve McQueen were alive today, he’d likely be starring in “Chase Utley.”

 

Mickelson, a/k/a Lefty, won the tournament after pitching his third shot to within three feet of the hole on the Par-5 18th.  Coincidentally, the best pitcher in Phillies history was also called Lefty.  The greatest victory for both Mickelson (2004 Masters) and the Phillies (1980 World Series) involved Green – Jacket for Mickelson, Dallas for the Phillies.  And Mickelson often plays with a big smile on his face – the same look the Phillies had when hard-nosed manager Larry Bowa was fired.

 

One difference between these Phils was shown by Philadelphia’s June trade with Detroit, in which the Phillies received Ugueth Urbina and Ramon Martinez for Placido Polanco.  Mickelson, of course, prefers not to deal with Tigers.  Incidentally, you can easily substitute “Ugueth Urbina” for “Who Can It Be Now” in the Men At Work song of that name.  Go ahead, sing it: “U-gueth Ur-BEEEE-na!” (Make saxophone noises).  It should also be noted that tied for second in the PGA behind Mickelson was Steve Elkington, from the land Down Under.  I could continue with Men At Work song titles, but that would just be Overkill.

 

Unfortunately for Phil Jackson, it’s still the offseason.