Green Jacket & Similar Awards

Sunday in Augusta, South African Trevor Immelman completed a three-stroke victory at The Masters. In relegating Tiger Woods to second place, Immelman claimed the prestigious Green Jacket. As Jim Nantz tells us every spring, the coveted blazer is part of what makes this tournament “a tradition unlike any other.” But what if the Green Jacket weren’t so unique in the sports world? Here’s a look at similar awards that could be given for certain honors.


Top NFL defensive back: Darrell Green Jacket

Leader in NHL penalty minutes: Mean Jacket

Outstanding Indiana basketball player: Crean Jacket

Outstanding North Carolina basketball player: Dean Jacket

Chris Berman broadcasting award: Leather Jacket

Best MLB closer, in honor of Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn: Sheen Jacket

Athlete most photographed by paparazzi: Scene Jacket

Ricky Williams running back award: Smoking Jacket

Women’s singles champion at U.S. Open: Billie Jean Jacket

Top player in Oakland A’s organization: Beane Jacket

Athlete with best rendition of We Are The Champions: Queen Jacket

Most accurate driver on PGA Tour: Straight Jacket

Best athlete under the age of 20: Teen Jacket

Award claimed by Lance Armstrong, but no one in France believes him: Clean Jacket

Outstanding athlete at Georgia Tech: Yellow Jacket

NBA leader in setting picks: Screen Jacket

Best performance by an athlete in a heart-warming Coke commercial: Mean Joe Greene Jacket

Award for anyone who joins Augusta National: Members-Only Jacket

13 Majors

Sunday at a scorching Southern Hills Country Club, Tiger Woods outpaced Woody Austin by two strokes to capture his fourth PGA Championship. Woods now has 13 major titles overall. Outside the golf world, “Major” can mean many things. In honor of Tiger, here’s a look at 13 such Majors.


John Major: Former British Prime Minister. On three occasions, Tiger has also ruled the British.

Major League: Tiger’s shots were much more accurate than Rick Vaughn’s pitches. Still, it would have been cool to hear “Wild Thing” blasting as Woods walked down the 18th fairway.

Mid-Major: Classification for the Tulsa Golden Hurricane, located in the tournament’s host city.

Lee Majors: Best known as The Six Million Dollar Man. Tiger makes that on a good weekend.

5-Minute Major: Punishment for fighting in ice hockey. So let’s recap. NHL: Pummeling someone with punches takes you out for five minutes. PGA: Signing an incorrect scorecard takes you out completely. Maybe Sergio should put on some skates.

Major Harris: Redshirt sophomore quarterback who led West Virginia to an undefeated regular season in 1988. Woods also knows how to win after putting on a red shirt.

Major Margaret Houlihan: M*A*S*H* character known as “Hot Lips.” With triple-degree temperatures each day, everything was hot at Southern Hills.

Economics: Tiger’s major at Stanford. Ironically, he learned far more about the subject by leaving college early.

Major Dad: Sunday provided a reminder of the Gerald McRaney sitcom, as Woods won his first major as a dad.

Ursa Major: Big Dipper constellation whose name means “Great Bear.” Tiger is gaining on the great Golden Bear.

Major Steve Trevor: Companion of Wonder Woman. Tiger is buddies with golf’s wonder woman, Annika Sörenstam.

“Major Tom”: Hit 1983 song by Peter Schilling. With 13 majors, Woods has equaled the combined total of Tom Watson, Tom Lehman, Tom Kite, Tom Weiskopf, Tommy Aaron, and David Toms.

Major Payne: Damon Wayans trained the “green boys,” including a cadet named Tiger. The other Tiger trains to win green jackets.

British Open & Other Sports Connections

Sunday at Carnoustie, Padraig Harrington outlasted Sergio Garcia and won the British Open after a four-hole playoff. As a European collecting his first major, Harrington represented what Garcia was painfully close to being. Sergio now remains saddled with the “can’t win the big one” label, along with Alex Rodriguez and numerous other athletes. Here are some other ways in which the British Open corresponded to the rest of the sports world.


British Open: Harrington and Garcia battled for the top spot.
Detroit Lions: In 2005, Joey Harrington and Jeff Garcia battled for the top spot.

British Open: Golfers hit balls into the 18th hole water, known as Barry Burn.
San Francisco Giants: Barry hits balls into the water, as Bud Selig burns.

British Open: Unfortunately for Sergio, he couldn’t win the title before a playoff.
Dallas Mavericks: Unfortunately for Dirk, you can’t win a title before the playoffs.

British Open: Harrington’s final putt was a “Claret Jug shot.”
Ohio State Buckeyes: Embarrassment resulted from Clarett mug shots.

British Open: Sergio and Padraig outplayed their American competitors.
Ryder Cup: Sergio and Padraig outplay their American competitors.

British Open: ‘99 flashbacks showed a Frenchman losing because he didn’t use his head.
World Cup: A Frenchman lost because he DID use his head.

British Open: Its high-profile Lefty didn’t play on Sunday.
Atlanta Falcons: Their high-profile lefty won’t play on Sundays.

British Open: Sergio missed a title-winning par putt on 18.
Los Angeles Dodgers: Their third baseman sounds like “No More Garcia Pars.”

British Open: A champion was crowned by the North Sea.
Anaheim Ducks: A champion was crowned in the OC.

British Open: It brought a victory to the Irish that was long overdue.
Navy Midshipmen: A victory over the Irish is long overdue.

British Open: Richard Green had the best round of the tournament.
Florida Gators: Taurean Green had the best team in the tournament.

British Open: Andres Romero looked great after 16 holes before self-destructing.
San Diego Chargers: They looked great after 16 games before self-destructing.

British Open: Competitors struggled with their drivers in Scotland.
Indy 500: Competitors struggled against a driver from Scotland.

British Open: Harrington was king after 76 holes.
Philly Hoops: Billy King can’t fix the 76ers’ holes.

British Open: Two-time defending champ Tiger was a non-factor.
American League: Longtime non-factor Tigers are the defending champs.

U.S. Open's Ties To Other Sports

Sunday at Oakmont, Argentina’s Angel Cabrera withstood a brutal course and challenges from Tiger Woods and Jim Furyk to win the U.S. Open. Golf’s second major of the year was Sunday’s top sports story, but it also mirrored storylines from the current or most recent seasons of the other major sports. Here’s a rundown.


U.S. Open: Angel Cabrera had a triumphant Sunday.
MLB: Angels’ Cabrera had a triumphant Sunday.

U.S. Open: Champion is from Argentina.
NBA: Champions Manu Ginobili and Fabricio Oberto are from Argentina.

U.S. Open: Golfers did a lot of cursing at the tee.
NFL: Fans did a lot of cursing at T.O.

U.S. Open: Champion is called “Pato,” Spanish for Duck.
NHL: Champions are called the Anaheim Ducks

U.S. Open: Low scores were rare in western Pennsylvania.
College Football: For Pitt defense, low scores were rare in western Pennsylvania.

U.S. Open: Nike icon Tiger Woods settled for runner-up status.
NBA: Nike icon LeBron James settled for runner-up status.

U.S. Open: Cabrera passed 3rd round leader Aaron Baddeley.
MLB: Barry Bonds wants to pass Aaron badly.

U.S. Open: Players had trouble with their drivers.
NASCAR: Teresa Earnhardt had trouble with her driver.

U.S. Open: Pennsylvania’s Jim Furyk finished one stroke short of a playoff.
NFL: Pennsylvania’s Steelers finished one win short of the playoffs.

U.S. Open (golf): No American has won since 2003.
U.S. Open (tennis): No American man has won since 2003.

U.S. Open: If you handled one green, the next green would get you.
College Basketball: Ohio State handled Jeff Green, but not Taurean Green.

U.S. Open: The leader was subject to change at any moment.
NBA: The Orlando Magic’s leader was subject to change at any moment.

U.S. Open: Tiger finished the weekend in second, one stroke behind.
MLB: Tigers finished the weekend in second, one game behind.

U.S. Open: Frustration was the norm at Oakmont.
NFL: Frustration was the norm in Oakland.

U.S. Open: Opening with a six was bad news.
College Football: For Ted Ginn Jr., opening with a six was bad news.

U.S. Open: Crowd-pleasing Phil Mickelson exited after the second round, hampered by a sore wrist.
NBA: Crowd-pleasing Phoenix Suns exited after the second round, hampered by a Spur’s forearm.

U.S. Open: Dejection was common on the course.
Tour De France: Injection was common on the course.

U.S. Open (golf): Set the stage for the next major, played on grass in Britain.
French Open: Set the stage for the next major, played on grass in Britain.

U.S. Open: No clubs seemed to have the answer.
MLB: In the NL Central, no clubs seem to have the answer.

U.S. Open: Wearing red on Sunday didn’t lead Tiger to victory.
NFL: Wearing red on Sunday didn’t lead Tampa Bay to victory.

Zach Johnson: This Year's George Mason

Before the NCAA tournament, everyone insisted on asking, “Who is this year’s George Mason?” However, the 2007 edition of March Madness had no Cinderellas to replicate the Patriots’ magical run of last year. Major upsets were almost nonexistent, and the Final Four consisted of all #1 and #2 seeds. Therefore, the answer to “Who is this year’s George Mason?” seemed to be “no one.”

As it turned out, the question should have focused on a different sporting event to culminate in Georgia during early April. Sunday, the Masters Tournament was won by a man who had missed the cut in his previous three majors. The 2004 BellSouth Classic was his only PGA Tour victory before this weekend. As such an unlikely winner, Zach Johnson truly became this year’s George Mason. He may not have been coached by Jim Larranaga, but here’s how Johnson compares to last year’s Final Four longshots.


Zach Johnson: Wore the green jacket
George Mason: Wore green uniforms

Zach Johnson: Celebrated his victory in Butler Cabin
George Mason: Celebrated thanks to guard Lamar Butler

George Mason: As a D.C.-area team, inspired fans of the Washington Nationals
Zach Johnson: Inspired fans (excuse me, PATRONS!) at Augusta National

Zach Johnson: Went 1 over par in signature victory at Augusta
George Mason: Went 1 overtime in signature victory over UConn

George Mason: Namesake was a Founding Father
Zach Johnson: Namesake was a founding member of The Fray

Zach Johnson: Moment of glory came after 11 uneventful appearances in majors
George Mason: Moment of glory came as an 11th-seeded mid-major

George Mason: Ended North Carolina’s reign as champion
Zach Johnson: Ended Phil Mickelson’s reign as champion

Zach Johnson: Has two PGA victories in the state of Georgia
George Mason: Had two CAA victories over Georgia State

George Mason: Eliminated the Missouri Valley Conference’s Wichita State Shockers
Zach Johnson: As a Drake alumnus, he’s a Missouri Valley member who pulled a shocker

Zach Johnson: After finishing his round, watched Tiger Woods come up short
George Mason: After finishing their season, watched the LSU Tigers come up short

George Mason: Played in the presence of Jim Nantz and Billy Packer
Zach Johnson: Played in the presence of Jim Nantz and Billy Payne

Zach Johnson: Faced numerous water hazards
George Mason: Eliminated by Gators, which are hazardous in the water

Zach Johnson: Survived Amen Corner
George Mason: Shouted “Amen!” after Denham Brown missed from the corner

George Mason: Refused to listen to skeptics on the outside
Zach Johnson: Won at a club that refuses to listen to ANYONE on the outside

Zach Johnson: Played under the radar on the Hooters Tour
George Mason: Players were under-the-radar hoopsters

20 Things You Might Not Know About the Ryder Cup

This Friday, Ireland will be the center of the golf world as the biennial Ryder Cup competition pits the top American golfers against their European counterparts. The K Club in Straffan, County Kildare will be home to the match play proceedings. To make you fully informed about the event, here are 20 things you might not know about the Ryder Cup.


The Ryder Cup competition officially began in 1927. The trophy was so named because it was shoplifted from Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills.

The U.S. originally competed against Great Britain, with Ireland and the rest of Europe added in 1973 and 1979, respectively. Unlike many celebrities who grew in the 1970s, the Ryder Cup never did any jail time.

The Americans dominated Ryder Cup play through 1983, going 21-3-1. However, since then Europe is 6-3-1. The reversal is largely attributed to the 1984 release of The Karate Kid, as the underdog Europeans drew inspiration from Daniel-san’s triumph over adversity. In 1985, team captain Mr. Miyagi guided them to victory.

Ten competitors on each side are automatic qualifiers based on points they have earned in tournaments. Each captain chooses his remaining two players. As a matter of tradition, one captain’s choice is always the winner of the swimsuit competition.

In honor of the host nation, a wrinkle has been added for Sunday’s singles matches. Whenever a competitor loses a hole, that golfer must down a shot of Irish whiskey.

In addition to singles competition, there are team-oriented fourball and foursomes matches. These matches always appealed to American Fred Couples, since swinging Couples are into foursomes.

The women’s equivalent is the Solheim Cup, while U.S. amateurs take on their Irish & British counterparts in the Walker Cup. Golf-playing horses compete against each other in the Breeders’ Cup.

European team captain Ian Woosnam is affectionately known as Woosie. With a Captain Woosie, Europe is different from the Exxon Valdez, which had a woozy captain.

The incomparable Tiger Woods is only 7-11-2 for the U.S. in Ryder Cup matches. Europe’s Colin Montgomerie and Sergio Garcia, both winless in majors, have excelled in Ryder Cup competition. Therefore, Monty and Sergio have appealed to British Open officials to adopt a team format.

The most surprising Ryder Cup was in 1987, when the U.S. fell 15-13 to Europe. Not the continent, but the popular hair band. Their victory paved the way for “The Final Countdown” to be played before sporting events everywhere.

Sweden’s Robert Karlsson will enjoy a major advantage at The K Club. According to club rules, any player whose name begins with a K may take one mulligan per match.

The Americans’ last victory in 1999 sparked controversy. Justin Leonard’s dramatic 45-foot putt caused a wild celebration, even though José Maria Olazábal had yet to attempt his own difficult putt (ultimately missed) that could have kept Europe alive. To avoid the risk of another excessive celebration, Chad Campbell has replaced Chad Johnson on the U.S. team.

After a 14 ½ to 13 ½ defeat in 1997, U.S. captain Tom Kite was blistered by critics for not adding Happy Gilmore to the squad.

In 2004, Europe routed the U.S. 18 ½ to 9 ½ at Oakland Hills Country Club in Michigan. After dominating at Oakland, the European team was made an honorary member of the AFC West.

Ireland’s Paul McGinley will play in his third consecutive Ryder Cup. In 2008, he will likely be replaced by John C. McGinley if Scrubs is off the air.

The Ryder Cup was postponed from 2001 to 2002 after the September 11 attacks. The event was also delayed in 1981 due to sabotage on the course by groundskeeper Carl Spackler.

J.J. Henry will make his Ryder Cup debut for the U.S. team. K Club officials expect a large turnout of North Carolina and Maryland fans, always eager to chant “J.J. Sucks!”

U.S. captain Tom Lehman plans to play Michigan receiver Mario Manningham against Ireland’s Padraig Harrington. Manningham has proven that he can dominate the Irish.

Golf’s genteel culture discourages the Ryder Cup victors from emulating the Stanley Cup celebration, in which each member of the winning team carries the trophy around the rink. Besides, the skates would totally ruin the 18th green.

If the competition ends in a 14-14 draw, Europe retains the Ryder Cup. However, a team must win outright for its members to earn a free Grand Slam Breakfast at Denny’s.

Tiger Woods: 1 To 12, By The Numbers

On Sunday at Medinah Country Club outside Chicago, Tiger Woods captured his third PGA Championship. The triumph was Tiger’s second consecutive major title and his twelfth overall. To put the accomplishment into perspective, here is a by-the-numbers guide.


1 Players who have won two PGA Championships on the same course, now that Tiger has done so at Medinah. Since he wins consistently in the Chicago area, the Bears want to know if he can play quarterback.

2 U.S. Open championships for Woods. This is the only major he hasn’t won three times, so clearly he needs to take the tournament more seriously.

3 Bogeys made by Tiger during the entire PGA Championship. For him, PGA stood for “Perfect Golf, Almost.” Or “Phil, Go Away.”

4 Masters titles won by Woods. He has been so Green-friendly, Al Gore wants him to help with his next documentary.

5 Episode number in the Star Wars series of The Empire Strikes Back. Woods provided Luke Donald, his final round playing partner, with a reminder of the film. Tiger’s fourth round dominance proclaimed, “Luke, I am your daddy!”

6 Additional major championships Tiger needs to tie Jack Nicklaus for the most as a professional. Recent history shows that the Golden Bear will be surpassed. George “Papa Bear” Halas was passed by Don Shula, Bear Bryant was overtaken by Joe Paterno and Bobby Bowden, and Walter Payton was eclipsed by Emmitt Smith. These developments prove the old adage, “Records are made to be broken – if they’re held by Bears.”

7 Titles, out of 11 major tournaments, won by Woods starting with the 1999 PGA. The 7-11 combo was appropriate, as his scores caused other players to take a Big Gulp.

8 Birdies for Tiger during Saturday’s third round. He was below par so often, some locals thought he played for the Black Hawks.

9 PGA Tour victories for Woods in a sterling 2000. Unlike computers, his fellow golfers really were victims of a Y2K bug.

10 Consecutive majors without a victory for Tiger before he won the 2005 Masters. He married Elin Nordegren during that stretch, so even during a slump he fared better than mere mortals.

11 Hits for the Cincinnati Reds in Sunday’s 5-1 victory over the Pittsburgh Pirates. “Red on Sunday” has long been a winning phrase for Tiger.

12 Strokes by which Woods won his first major, the 1997 Masters. He ended the suspense so early, he received the green jacket after the ninth hole.


Next April, Tiger returns to Augusta National Golf Club in search of his 13th major. Club members forbid the use of the term “rough” by announcers. However, they should relent in the case of Woods. He’s definitely been rough on the other golfers.

Tiger Woods To Enter 2007 Tour De France

Sunday in Paris, Floyd Landis realized the ultimate achievement in cycling as he won the Tour de France. On the heels of Lance Armstrong’s seven straight victories, it was the eighth championship in a row for a U.S. rider. Next year, another American hopes to experience victory on the Champs-Elysées. Tiger Woods has announced his intention to enter the 2007 Tour de France.


Woods had his own moment of glory Sunday, winning his third British Open and 11th major championship overall. It was an emotional occasion, representing his first major title since the passing of his father Earl. However, in one respect the victory was like all ten of his previous triumphs. Tiger had led by one stroke as play began on Sunday, and he is now 11-0 when leading after three rounds at a major. Tournament officials at Royal Liverpool Golf Club considered canceling the final round, knowing that the outcome was no longer in doubt. However, out of custom and respect for the fans, they proceeded with play on Sunday.


The Tour de France is similar to a Tiger-led major, as the concluding Sunday is merely considered a formality. A 59-second advantage, achieved by Landis in the penultimate stage on Saturday, was considered insurmountable in Sunday’s short and flat final stage. Therefore, Woods feels that he would be at home in France, assuming that he can grab the lead before the final stage. All he has to do is change sports, survive an indescribably grueling competition through thousands of miles of country roads and mountains, and outrace the best cyclists in the world. The Jack Nicklaus comparisons would then cease, as Nicklaus never finished better than third at the Tour de France.


If Tiger does lead the Tour on the final Sunday, he will have to adapt his attire. A treasured tradition of the event is that the leader wears the yellow jersey. However, Woods famously wears red on Sunday during golf tournaments. He has been so successful maintaining the lead while wearing red, other Tigers are following suit. As long as they sit atop the American League Central, the Detroit Tigers plan to wear red shirts during Sunday games. Woods is willing to forgo his beloved red in favor of yellow, but he does plan to ask Tour officials for one accommodation. He would like to wear a green jacket over the yellow jersey.


The magic of the yellow jersey apparently does not extend to Tiger’s current sport. Sergio Garcia, his final round partner at the British Open, wore a yellow shirt and yellow pants on Sunday. Unlike Landis, Garcia faltered in yellow, shooting a 73 and finishing seven shots behind. Sergio refused to blame his attire, claiming that his struggles resulted from being Sergio Garcia in the final round of a major. On the bright side, his all-yellow ensemble has made him the favorite to star as Big Bird in the next tour of Sesame Street Live.


As an American rider, Woods is also required to endure a debilitating health issue before he can win the Tour. Greg LeMond, the first U.S. victor, captured two of his three championships after being severely injured in a hunting accident. Armstrong famously overcame cancer before his historic run. Landis is afflicted with a hip ailment, osteonecrosis, and plans to undergo hip replacement surgery. In turn, Tiger has already planned how to get injured, answering the dreams of golf rivals Phil Mickelson, Vijay Singh, and Ernie Els in the process. Woods has invited the trio to send him to the emergency room by striking him repeatedly with their favorite clubs.


One final challenge will remain for Tiger before he joins next year’s Tour de France. It is common knowledge that no competitive cyclist can be taken seriously unless he has rampant doping rumors swirling around him. Therefore, Woods has hired a publicist who specializes in making steroid allegations against athletes. After the charges circulate to the point that he is frequently labeled as a cheater, Tiger will be prepared for the rigors of the Tour.


In the end, Woods expects to hoist a champagne glass next July as he pedals to Paris in victory. Golf does not provide the same opportunity, as drinking would be out of place for a champion golfer before he finishes the final round. Unless it’s John Daly.

Mickelson Joins Braves Bullpen

On the verge of winning his third consecutive major championship on Sunday, Phil Mickelson endured a historic collapse at the U.S. Open. Leading by one stroke at the 18th hole, Mickelson finished with a double-bogey to gift-wrap the title for Geoff Ogilvy. Afterwards Lefty announced that he will join forces with a group that is used to blowing leads. Mickelson has agreed to terms with the Atlanta Braves to join their bullpen.


Before his 2004 Masters victory, Lefty had been derided for coming up short in every major. However, with three major championships now under his belt and a fourth in sight, Mickelson was in territory only Tiger Woods could understand. Soon Tiger was replaced by Jean Van de Velde as Phil’s measuring stick. Sunday’s finish was the worst U.S. Open collapse since Tin Cup hit ball after ball into the water. Like Tin Cup, Mickelson’s playing partner on Sunday was Don Johnson.


Perhaps Mickelson could not finish effectively at Winged Foot because the sports gods had decided that there were already too many closers in New York. Mariano Rivera has stamped his ticket to Cooperstown during a sterling career with the Yankees. Likewise, Billy Wagner is a ninth-inning horse for the Mets, one of many acquisitions helping them to a dominant position in the National League East. However, unlike those two, Lefty was not allowed to have Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” blaring before stepping up to the 18th tee. With no head-banging inspiration available, he badly missed the fairway and later became a man entering the sand.


The Braves endured a collapse of their own on Sunday, with the bullpen allowing six eighth-inning runs in a 10-7 loss to the Boston Red Sox. The defeat was Atlanta’s seventh in a row. John Smoltz was in line for the win, but for the fifth time this season the bullpen cost him a victory. As a result, Smoltz has reportedly requested that his Home Depot commercial get pulled from the air. In the ad, a substitute takes over for him when he cannot complete his duties at the grill. Smoltz feels that the public will not believe that he can receive quality relief, remarking that a realistic portrayal would have the substitute griller setting the yard on fire.


The numbers for the bullpen are brutal. Braves relievers have an ERA over 5, and they have blown 14 of 29 save opportunities. Perhaps longtime pitching coach Leo Mazzone had good reason to bolt for Baltimore in the off-season. Even during the frequent good times for Atlanta since 1991, Mazzone was famous for his habit of rocking back and forth in the dugout. This season in the late innings, Mazzone might have chosen instead to repeatedly bang his head against the wall.


Things are so bad, the rotten luck has spread to other bullpens in Atlanta. Georgia Tech exited the College World Series after blowing late leads in each of its two games. At this point, the only quality closer from Atlanta is Brenda Johnson, the character played by Kyra Sedgwick in The Closer. In her case, TNT is a network. Otherwise, TNT is a substance less explosive than the Braves bullpen. They know drama.


Joining the Braves staff makes sense for Mickelson, since he has enjoyed his time in Georgia this year. Phil won his second Masters and third BellSouth Classic in 2006. In his first appearance at Turner Field, Lefty plans to wear a green jacket over his Braves uniform. Jim Nantz will take a turn on the P.A. system, telling Atlanta fans that they are witnessing a tradition unlike any other. The main difference from the Masters is that women have a better chance of playing at Turner Field than at Augusta National.


Smoltz, an avid golfer, is looking forward to having Mickelson as a teammate. He will have plenty of opportunities to use Phil’s insight on the course. Compared to past years, Smoltz will have far more time for golf this October.

Next Year's Masters: Match Play Between Tiger & Phil

Yesterday Phil Mickelson won his second green jacket with a two-stoke victory at the Masters. Mickelson replaced Tiger Woods as champion, with Tiger having captured his fourth title at Augusta National last year. Knowing that one or the other will inevitably triumph next year, tournament officials have made a ground-breaking decision. Only Phil and Tiger will be invited to the 2007 Masters, with the title to be decided by match play.


The two players have combined for the past three Masters championships and five of the last six. Tiger and Phil look like shopping buddies, as they take turns putting green jackets on the other. Still, the decision to include only those two is a radical departure from the standard proceedings. Augusta National Golf Club chairman Hootie Johnson responded, “We’re all about change. Nobody’s real big on tradition here.”


The match play showdown will be a one-day affair on Sunday, April 8. Asked why the first three days of competition have been eliminated, Johnson replied, “You’ve watched the past few years. It’s just gonna rain on those days, anyway.” Masters officials also acted in response to an old cliché about the tournament. If you watched much of the CBS coverage this weekend, you heard “They say The Masters doesn’t start until the back nine on Sunday” enough times to make a drinking game out of it. Tournament officials decided that since so many people say that, it must be true. However, for television purposes Phil and Tiger are still scheduled for 18 holes.


Next year’s format change will allow Augusta National to remain true to one of its hallmarks: exclusivity. The tournament is annually one of the toughest tickets in sports. Also, most people’s chances of joining the club are equivalent to the Best Picture odds on “The Benchwarmers.” By restricting the tournament to two players, Augusta National will take exclusivity to the next level. There is no word yet on whether Vijay Singh and Ernie Els will ask Martha Burk to rally on their behalf.


Johnson did emphasize that other players can still attend next year’s tournament, even if they are not competing. Past champions will receive coveted seats in Butler Cabin for a Texas Hold’em tournament. Rules for appropriate terminology will be in effect, similar to how club members insist on “second cut” instead of “rough” and “patrons” rather than “fans.” Therefore, participants will play for the “financial pool,” not the “pot.” Also, there will be no “flushes” within Butler Cabin. Instead, players will hope to have a “plumbing activity” in their hands.


In the meantime, top golfers can still look forward to the next major tournament – the U.S. Open in June. Last year’s edition, captured by Michael Campbell of New Zealand, was the only major in the last five that was not won by Mickelson or Woods. Like Augusta National, the host Winged Foot Golf Club will also feature an Amen Corner. That’s where golfers will be praying to beat Phil and Tiger.

Oh, To Be A Phil

This weekend was a great time for Phils in sports.  Phil Mickelson won his second major title with his victory at the PGA Championship.  The Phightin’ Phils swept the Padres in San Diego to draw to within 1/2 game of the NL wild card lead.  And rumor has it, Dr. Phil was unstoppable at the foosball table.

 

The lasting image of Mickelson’s triumph will be that of his two-year-old son Evan, running gleefully around the 18th green.  One can only hope that Evan gets a play date with Jack Roberts, who was a dancing machine as his father John Roberts was introduced as a Supreme Court nominee.  While not quite as youthful as Evan Mickelson, Chase Utley is a youngster who has delighted Phillies fans with his energy on the field.  His name sounds like an action movie in the realm of “Kill Bill” or “Get Carter.”  If Steve McQueen were alive today, he’d likely be starring in “Chase Utley.”

 

Mickelson, a/k/a Lefty, won the tournament after pitching his third shot to within three feet of the hole on the Par-5 18th.  Coincidentally, the best pitcher in Phillies history was also called Lefty.  The greatest victory for both Mickelson (2004 Masters) and the Phillies (1980 World Series) involved Green – Jacket for Mickelson, Dallas for the Phillies.  And Mickelson often plays with a big smile on his face – the same look the Phillies had when hard-nosed manager Larry Bowa was fired.

 

One difference between these Phils was shown by Philadelphia’s June trade with Detroit, in which the Phillies received Ugueth Urbina and Ramon Martinez for Placido Polanco.  Mickelson, of course, prefers not to deal with Tigers.  Incidentally, you can easily substitute “Ugueth Urbina” for “Who Can It Be Now” in the Men At Work song of that name.  Go ahead, sing it: “U-gueth Ur-BEEEE-na!” (Make saxophone noises).  It should also be noted that tied for second in the PGA behind Mickelson was Steve Elkington, from the land Down Under.  I could continue with Men At Work song titles, but that would just be Overkill.

 

Unfortunately for Phil Jackson, it’s still the offseason.

Today's Sports Limerick

There was a star golfer named Woods

Whose game was obnoxiously good

He had a great life

And a hot Swedish wife

If you don’t envy him, you should