Thursday, August 17, 2006

15 Reasons Why The A's Have Dominated The Mariners

Wednesday night, the Oakland A’s completed a three-game sweep with a 4-0 victory over the visiting Seattle Mariners. Remarkably, the triumph was Oakland’s 15th consecutive against Seattle. In honor of the accomplishment, below are 15 reasons why the A’s have dominated the Mariners.

Black Hole: This term is generally used at McAfee Coliseum during Raider games. However, the Black Hole seems to have worked early, sucking up any hope of victory for the Mariners.

Bullpen: Mariners thrive on the water. But they’re out of their element when dealing with a (Huston) Street.

Calendar: As long as it’s not October, the A’s have no problem winning three games in a series.

Early 90’s rappers: During matchups between the two clubs, each team responded to a native of its respective city. The A’s, like Oakland’s MC Hammer, were 2 Legit 2 Quit. Baby Got Back, from Seattle’s Sir Mix-a-Lot, inspired the Mariners to get 12 games back in the AL West.

Frasier: Seattle’s favorite radio psychiatrist is no longer on the air. So while the losing streak continued, the Mariners could not solve their problems with sound advice from Dr. Crane.

Ichiro Suzuki: The Mariners' franchise player must not be team-oriented. Because it doesn’t make sense to say, “There is no ‘I’ in ‘Ichiro.’”

Paytons: Gary was great in Seattle, but he’s in Miami now. Oakland still has Jay in the outfield. He may not be known as The Glove, but he does use one.

Reminder of glory days: The A’s are the first club since the 1974 Atlanta Braves to have a 15-game winning streak against a divisional opponent. 1974 was also the year in which Oakland captured a third consecutive World Series title. The streak against Seattle was the best way to provide a reminder of those days, since GM Billy Beane has been unable to trade for Reggie Jackson and Vida Blue.

Royals’ self-esteem: Oakland begins a road-trip with a double-header in Kansas City on Friday. The A’s wanted the lowly Royals to feel good about themselves by hearing an opponent say for once, “This series has to be tougher than the last one.”

Seahawks: The A’s admire the defending NFC champions. Therefore, they decided to put Seattle sports fans’ entire focus onto the Seahawks by knocking the Mariners from contention.

Star Bucks: No, not the ubiquitous coffee corporation from Seattle. In this case, it’s the superstar money the Mariners are paying third baseman Adrian Beltre, in the midst of his second straight mediocre season. Seattle paid for a venti, but they’re not even getting a grande.

Steroid controversy: The Bay Area gets most of the baseball-related attention on this issue. However, Barry Bonds is across the bay from Oakland, and Jason Giambi, Mark McGwire, and Jose Canseco left town long ago. On the other hand, Seattle has been preoccupied by the scrutiny it will face, since the city’s most famous symbol is a giant needle.

Tennis: The U.S. Open begins on August 28. Oakland has provided attention to the event by going 15-love on Seattle.

Tom Hanks: He starred in Sleepless in Seattle, but he grew up in Oakland. He could update one of his famous quotes to say, “There’s no crying in baseball – except for the Mariners against the A’s.”

Yankees-Red Sox: The AL East rivals begin a five-game series on Friday. The A’s had to do something noteworthy before then, since ESPN will refuse to pay attention to major leaguers outside of Fenway Park the next few days.

Tonight Seattle attempts to reverse its fortunes against the Angels in Anaheim. Maybe Angel Stadium, unlike nearby Disneyland, is not the happiest place on earth. However, the Mariners are thrilled to be there, since it means they’re out of Oakland.