Wednesday, February 21, 2007

An "O.C." View Of The Sports World

After four seasons on the air, The O.C. airs its final episode on Thursday. When the show premiered in 2003, Orange County was home to the defending World Series champions and the reigning NHL Western Conference winners. Neither the Angels nor the Ducks have gotten back to those lofty heights, just as the series’ ratings have plummeted since its opening season. Nevertheless, in honor of the show’s finale, here is an “O.C.” view of today’s sports world.

In the NFL, the Omnipresent Commercial star led the Overjoyed Colts to an Overdue Championship. Since then, the Oddball Chargers hired the 49ers’ Offensive Coordinator to replace their Ousted Coach. Elsewhere, Ocho Cinco is one of the Only Cincinnati players living Outside Cellblocks.

On Campus, Florida’s Outstanding Chris Leak Outlasted Critics to inspire Orgasmic Celebrations in Gainesville. Operation Carroll, aka USC, is the early favorite for next season. The Trojans will be tested on the road by Notre Dame, Oregon, California, and the Ornery Cornhuskers.

As for baseball, the Optimistic Cardinals look to repeat. Yankee fans will call A-Rod an Overpaid Choker until he delivers in the October Clutch. Their rivals hope that Daisuke Matsuzaka is more like an Overpowering Clemens than an Oil Can Boyd. The Angels-A’s rivalry will be as intense as Obama-Clinton, with numerous battles between Orlando Cabrera and Oakland Closer Huston Street. Oriole Cal will Obey Cooperstown’s call, but Ozzie Canseco’s brother did not make the cut.

The NBA held its All-Star Game in the land of Opulent Casinos, Overflowing Cash, and Organized Crime. An Overweight Charles outran an Old Codger, while Gerald Green did more jumping than an Overexposed Cruise on Oprah’s Couch. Oklahoma City won’t win the title, but an Obvious Contender is Dallas, Owned Confidently by the Outspoken Cuban who Outrages Commissioner Stern.

Occupying College basketball’s throne, the top-ranked Gators were stunned by the Overlooked Commodores. Their Oden-Centered Ohio Challengers hope to cut down the nets, like the Orange Carmelo team and Okafor’s Connecticut Huskies. In the Buckeyes’ Own Conference, Alando Tucker is a senior star – what many Observers Considered an Outdated Concept. Offering Contrast, freshman Kevin Durant dominates Big XII Opposition Consistently, to the Ongoing Chagrin of Oklahoma, Colorado, and the rest.

Above the border, Ontario, Canada is Obsessively Crazy about the NHL. The league features great rivalries such as Oilers-Calgary and Ovechkin-Crosby. However, in the U.S., hockey is buried on an Obscure Channel.

As for individual sports, Kevin Harvick was an Opportunistic Chevy driver as he Outraced Crashes to beat the Other Cars to the finish at Daytona. Roger Federer destroyed his Outmanned Competitors on the Australian Open Courts. And Tiger Woods is always eager to Obliterate Courses, as his Overwhelmed Contemporaries Obediently Crumble.

Outfielders, Catchers, and all other players have to face the end sometime. Likewise, the Outgoing Cast of The O.C. is ready for the Official Conclusion. Ultimately, you can’t Overcome Cancellation.