Friday, June 29, 2007

A Summer Movie Guide To The NBA Lottery Picks

It’s summertime - the season for blockbusters to rule the box office. Putting up big numbers is just as crucial in the NBA, which held its draft Thursday night in New York. Among the 14 lottery selections, some will become A-list stars, while others will flop miserably. Here’s how they relate to this summer’s crop of movies.

1. Portland Trail Blazers, Greg Oden: Transformers. Highlighted by Oden, Portland’s roster has been completely transformed over the past two drafts.

2. Seattle Sonics, Kevin Durant: I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Durant could be a Rookie of the Year forward, like Chuck Person and Larry Johnson.

3. Atlanta Hawks, Al Horford: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. As a Dominican, Horford is of the Caribbean. But he’s more shot blocker than swashbuckler.

4. Memphis Grizzlies, Mike Conley, Jr.: Mr. Brooks. Conley goes to the worst team in the league, so like Mr. Garth Brooks he’ll have friends in low places.

5. Seattle Sonics (from Boston), Jeff Green: 1408. Actually, new Sonics Durant and Green combined for 1431 points last year.

6. Milwaukee Bucks, Yi Jianlian: Shrek the Third. Like Shrek, Yi is a big man seen in footage from Far Far Away.

7. Minnesota Timberwolves, Corey Brewer: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. The Most Outstanding Player was fantastic at the Final Four.

8. Golden State Warriors (from Charlotte), Brandan Wright: Spider-Man 3. As often happens to Peter Parker, Wright was unable to stay together with MJ.

9. Chicago Bulls, Joakim Noah: Evan Almighty. An ark-building movie just has to be linked to Noah.

10. Sacramento Kings, Spencer Hawes: Live Free or Die Hard. Bruce Willis was partners in Planet Hollywood with a guy who works in Sacramento these days. Hopefully Hawes won’t be such a flop.

11. Atlanta Hawks, Acie Law: A Mighty Heart. Ask anyone who was victimized by his clutch shots.

12. Philadelphia 76ers, Thaddeus Young: Knocked Up. Most forecasts had him going later, but he got knocked up the draft board.

13. New Orleans Hornets, Julian Wright: Ocean’s 13. One number 13 goes with another. Also, both Wright and the Ocean series have been wildly inconsistent.

14. Los Angeles Clippers, Al Thornton: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. The Seminole is headed to the Pacific Division, where Phoenix maintains order.

These players especially want to identify with The Simpsons Movie. Someday, they hope to end up in Springfield.