Thursday, June 07, 2007

Why the Stanley Cup Is Like Paris Hilton

Last night in the Honda Center, the Anaheim Ducks defeated the Ottawa Senators 6-2 to wrap up the Stanley Cup finals in five games. While the Ducks celebrated their first championship, NBC and the NHL lamented the lack of interest in the event in the United States.

Unlike hockey, Paris Hilton never has to worry about media attention in America. Her headlines continued overnight, as she was released from jail early to serve the remainder of her prison sentence in home confinement. Basically, she switched to a different penalty box. Hockey’s storied trophy does share some similarities with the hotel heiress. Here are numerous ways Lord Stanley’s Cup is like Paris.

It resides in Southern California these days.

It weighs 35 pounds.

It gets passed around by a bunch of men.

In the U.S., it’s the frequent target of jokes.

It travels extensively.

When it’s not traveling, it’s locked up.

Millions have seen it on tape.

It doesn’t do anything on its own.

It’s worth a huge sum of money.

It didn’t get any action in 2005 (whoops, that doesn’t belong).

Last night, it was around a bunch of people in uniforms.

Lots of alcohol has been poured into it.

It’s been on numerous late-night talk shows.

It symbolizes a standard of excellence (that doesn’t belong either).

Every team member gets to have it for a night.

Regular guys don’t get to be around it.

It just doesn’t fit with the word “Senator.”