Why the Stanley Cup Is Like Paris Hilton

Last night in the Honda Center, the Anaheim Ducks defeated the Ottawa Senators 6-2 to wrap up the Stanley Cup finals in five games. While the Ducks celebrated their first championship, NBC and the NHL lamented the lack of interest in the event in the United States.

Unlike hockey, Paris Hilton never has to worry about media attention in America. Her headlines continued overnight, as she was released from jail early to serve the remainder of her prison sentence in home confinement. Basically, she switched to a different penalty box. Hockey’s storied trophy does share some similarities with the hotel heiress. Here are numerous ways Lord Stanley’s Cup is like Paris.


It resides in Southern California these days.

It weighs 35 pounds.

It gets passed around by a bunch of men.

In the U.S., it’s the frequent target of jokes.

It travels extensively.

When it’s not traveling, it’s locked up.

Millions have seen it on tape.

It doesn’t do anything on its own.

It’s worth a huge sum of money.

It didn’t get any action in 2005 (whoops, that doesn’t belong).

Last night, it was around a bunch of people in uniforms.

Lots of alcohol has been poured into it.

It’s been on numerous late-night talk shows.

It symbolizes a standard of excellence (that doesn’t belong either).

Every team member gets to have it for a night.

Regular guys don’t get to be around it.

It just doesn’t fit with the word “Senator.”

Anaheim Haunts Detroit Sports Tuesday Night

Tuesday night in Secaucus, New Jersey, the Portland Trail Blazers emerged from the NBA Draft Lottery with the #1 selection. Blazer fans are surely ecstatic at the prospect of Greg Oden or Kevin Durant suiting up at the Rose Garden Arena. Sports fans in Detroit would point to another reason why their counterparts in Portland could celebrate on Tuesday. Anaheim couldn’t ruin their night.


Orange County did a number on the Motor City last night. Most significantly, the Anaheim Ducks downed the Detroit Red Wings 4-3 to capture the NHL Western Conference finals in six games. Due in large part to the goaltending of Jean-Sebastien Giguere, Hockeytown was no match for Mickeytown. In a bitter twist for the automotive capital of the U.S., its team was eliminated in the Honda Center. The Ducks’ Honda connection does seem appropriate, since they’re getting more mileage than their competition from Detroit.


Now instead of the Red Wings capturing their 11th Stanley Cup title, either Anaheim or the Ottawa Senators will win their first. The Ducks began their run to the finals with a 4-1 opening round win over Minnesota. Therefore, their mascot Wild Wing contains the nicknames of two of their playoff victims. The then-Mighty Ducks also eliminated the Wild and the Wings on their way to the 2003 Stanley Cup finals, which they lost to New Jersey in seven games. Disney has since sold the team, but “It’s a small world” will accurately describe the U.S. television ratings for these finals.


Also last night, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim held off the Detroit Tigers 6-3. In a potential playoff preview, the Angels increased their AL West lead to 5 ½ games, while the Tigers remained ½ game behind Cleveland in the Central. Orlando Cabrera had a home run and three RBI, and his leaping catch snuffed out a ninth-inning rally for Jim Leyland’s club. Cabrera’s hang time was much better suited to Comerica Park than the Palace of Auburn Hills. In the NBA, you don’t see Orlando winning in Detroit.


The series continues with games tonight and tomorrow afternoon at Comerica. If the Angels continue the Anaheim-over-Detroit trend, the Cleveland Cavaliers will surely adjust accordingly for Thursday’s game 2 against the Pistons at the Palace. The visitors would likely take the court as the Anaheim Cavaliers. Also, in addition to getting to the foul line, LeBron James would need to make another adjustment to enhance his team’s chances for victory. You could expect him to replace his headband with a pair of mouse ears.


Obviously, Tuesday did not feature any Detroit-Anaheim matchups on the gridiron. The NFL season does not kick off for another 3 ½ months. Plus, Anaheim has been out of the league since the Rams bolted for St. Louis in 1995. Detroit has also been without an NFL franchise since the Lions hired Matt Millen.


Perhaps the Tigers will rebound tonight against 5-0 Bartolo Colon. Even if that happens, do not expect the Detroit fans to warm up to Anaheim anytime soon. Last night, Motown fans had a new nickname in mind for the home of Disneyland. To them, Anaheim was the crappiest place on Earth.

The Anaheim Ducks: A Mighty Paradox

For the first 13 years of its mostly forgettable existence, Orange County’s National Hockey League franchise was known as the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim. In June, the team formally simplified its name to the Anaheim Ducks. So far this season, the Ducks have dominated the NHL, with just three regulation losses in their first 34 games. The development has brought up an interesting paradox. Once they stopped being called Mighty, the Ducks actually became mighty.


The Ducks continued their stellar play Wednesday night with a 2-1 road victory over the Atlanta Thrashers. Star forward Teemu Seelane scored both goals, and goaltender Jean-Sebastien Giguere won his ninth straight start. Anaheim’s 12-1-2 away record is the best after 15 games in NHL history. The 1951-52 Detroit Red Wings had set the previous mark – after changing their name from the Potent Red Wings.


This excellence was rarely seen when the team was known as the Mighty Ducks. The franchise only made the post-season 4 times in 13 seasons with that name, highlighted by a 2003 run to the Stanley Cup finals led by Giguere. The nickname was so misleading, the Anaheim broadcasters reportedly used quote signs whenever saying the word “Mighty.” The name, of course, came from a 1992 movie from Disney, which owned the team until 2005. No professional sports franchise has ever been successful when named after an Emilio Estevez film. The NBA still has nightmares over the disastrous Cincinnati Breakfast Clubs.


With Disney no longer in the picture, management determined that the “Mighty” part of the name was no longer necessary. Like the University of Oregon, Anaheim was happy to just be the Ducks. The revision also helped the team’s public image. Not only did “Mighty Ducks” bring snickers from sports fans, but it was also a reminder of the AFLAC duck’s notorious steroids scandal.


Good things happened almost immediately after the name change, as star defenseman Chris Pronger was acquired from the Edmonton Oilers less than two weeks later. The spirit of change also extended to the team’s home arena, as the Arrowhead Pond of Anaheim was renamed the Honda Center. Surprisingly, the switch had nothing to do with corporate sponsors. It was made because most actual ducks like to drive Civics.


After observing Anaheim’s great play on the ice, others are considering dropping “Mighty” from their names. Producers of one 1998 box office disappointment feel that they can earn big bucks by re-releasing it as simply Joe Young. Also, Mira Sorvino is confident that changing Mighty Aphrodite to just Aphrodite could elevate her Oscar-winning performance from Best Supporting Actress to Best Actress. The rights to any lost “Mighty” names will reportedly be assumed by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, who plan to reunite as the Mighty Mighty Mighty Mighty Mighty Mighty Mighty Mighty Bosstones.


The Ducks look to continue their hot streak this Saturday against the Sharks in San Jose. By demonstrating their mightiness after dropping “Mighty” from their name, the Ducks have shown that actions speak louder than words. Or if you prefer, slapshots speak louder than quacks.

NHL Denies San Jose, Anaheim Requests To Relinquish Home Ice Advantage

Tonight begins the conference semifinal round in the NHL playoffs. Coming off a grueling 7-game series with Calgary, the Anaheim Mighty Ducks will take on the Colorado Avalanche. However, Anaheim and the San Jose Sharks have already been dealt a major defeat by the league office. The NHL has denied both teams’ requests to relinquish their home ice advantage.


The Ducks and Sharks filed their requests based on the results of the first round of playoffs. All western conference teams with home ice advantage lost in the opening round. Even the Detroit Red Wings, after the league’s best regular season, were sent packing by the Edmonton Oilers. Detroit sports fans are absolutely stunned. Not that the Wings were eliminated, but that the Tigers are suddenly good.


The scene is far different back east, where the top four seeds all advanced into the second round. Therefore, the road ice advantage may carry a western team to the finals, but it likely won’t bring the Stanley Cup. However, the Sharks and Ducks are already dreaming of Ottawa and New Jersey – anything to distract them from the unpleasantness of opening a series at home.


Anaheim and San Jose felt that by being the higher seeds, they should have the option of whether to accept the home ice advantage or not. Anaheim began every series on the road in 2003, yet it advanced to the Stanley Cup finals. As the sixth seed, the Mighty Ducks assumed that they would do the same this season, but the Avalanche and Oilers were one step ahead of them. The Sharks planned to take things even further, hoping to play their “home” games in Boston. However, commissioner Gary Bettman has ruled that both western series will open as scheduled in California.


With the appeal denied, Anaheim must try to stop a hot Colorado team tonight at the Arrowhead Pond. Unlike the Mighty Ducks, the Avalanche will be rested after eliminating the Dallas Stars in five games. Therefore, Anaheim is particularly vulnerable if the action goes to overtime. What remains to be seen is how both teams would respond to tonight’s overtime wrinkle, if it arises. According to an NHL rule honoring Cinco de Mayo, any game tied after regulation on May 5 will be decided by a margarita-chugging contest.


The Sharks are in a similar position, contending with an Edmonton team that knows it can take down anyone. San Jose does have the NHL points leader in Joe Thornton and the league’s top goal scorer in Jonathan Cheechoo (Gesundheit!). However, fans fear that having home ice will cause their team to perform like another Shark in the clutch. San Jose could turn into Greg Norman, shanking their shots while the Oilers morph into Nick Faldo.


In The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy uttered the famous line, “There’s no place like home.” This ignorance about hockey is why Kansas does not have an NHL franchise.

Anaheim Faces Reality, Removes "Mighty" From Nickname

The Mighty Ducks of Anaheim have announced that the NHL team will officially alter its name to the Anaheim Ducks.  Ownership indicated that the change will be in effect for the start of next season.  The move was inevitable for a franchise that has seldom been mighty.

 

 

The franchise began play in 1993 under the ownership of the Walt Disney Company.  The Mighty Ducks nickname was taken from the 1992 Disney movie starring Emilio Estevez.  Then-Disney chairman Michael Eisner chose the name after deciding against the Pinocchios and the Cinderellas.  The nickname was considered by many critics to be the worst example of corporate synergy in sports history.  News Corporation chairman Rupert Murdoch nearly took this honor several years later before deciding not to rename the Dodgers the Los Angeles American Idols.

 

 

Since its inception, the team has rarely lived up to the “Mighty” label.  The Ducks have only reached the postseason three times in that span and would miss this year’s playoffs if the season ended today.  Particularly hurting the club is its 2-10 record in overtime games this year.  The Ducks appear to be more resistant to overtime than Homer Simpson at the Springfield Power Plant.

 

 

The exception to this sub-par play came during the spring of 2003, when the Mighty Ducks made an inspired run to the Stanley Cup finals.  Anaheim even swept the Detroit Red Wings, who have legitimately been mighty over the past decade.  Goaltender Jean-Sebastien Giguere was brilliant throughout the postseason, leading the Ducks to the brink of a title before falling to the New Jersey Devils in Game 7.  “Jiggy” received the Conn Smythe Trophy as the playoff MVP, part of a trend of French-Canadians winning major individual sports trophies in 2003.  Dodgers closer Eric Gagne won the Cy Young Award, while the Heisman Trophy went to Oklahoma quarterback Jason Blanc, known to American fans as Jason White.

 

 

The Ducks’ mightiness was short-lived, however, as the team missed the playoffs in 2004.  Meanwhile, Disney was looking for a buyer.  Rumors that Donald Trump would purchase the franchise and rename it the Anaheim Donald Ducks proved unfounded.  Ultimately, Broadcom co-founder Henry Samueli and his wife Susan bought the team in 2005.  With the team’s connection to the film studio gone, a change from the Mighty Ducks was considered likely.

 

 

The organization conducted research with season ticket holders and evaluated various options.  Considering the team’s lackluster history, the Anaheim Sitting Ducks was a possibility.  Ownership opted for simplicity, settling on the Ducks.  Samueli refused to follow the lead of his baseball neighbors and go with the Los Angeles Ducks of Anaheim.

 

 

Now the team will have the same nickname as the University of Oregon.  However, it might be wise for Oregon to pick up the “Mighty” label dropped by Anaheim.  The football program fumed after missing out on the BCS despite a 10-1 regular season.  Being described as mighty could help the school gain more national respect in comparison with Ohio State and Notre Dame.  Alternatively, the program could call itself the USC Ducks of Eugene.

 

 

Barring a rally to the NHL playoffs, Anaheim’s last game as the Mighty Ducks will be versus the Calgary Flames on April 17.  Despite the significance of the occasion, do not expect the players to shed any tears.  Just a few teeth.