Friday, June 15, 2007

Tony & Other Parkers

Thursday in Cleveland, the San Antonio Spurs wrapped up their fourth NBA championship since 1999 with an 83-82 victory over the Cavaliers. Tony Parker was not on hand for the first title, but the Frenchman was the driving force this time. Parker became the first Spur other than Tim Duncan to be named Finals MVP. Fox once had a sitcom called Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, but this time another Parker went undefeated as San Antonio completed a four-game sweep. Tony shares similarities with numerous other Parkers as well. Here’s a rundown.

Charlie Parker: Played jazz and was known as “Bird”
Tony Parker: Played the Jazz and won like Bird

Sarah Jessica Parker: Fundamentally linked to Mr. Big
Tony Parker: Linked to the Big Fundamental

Parker Brothers: Set the standard in board games
Tony Parker: As Finals MVP, set the standard in boring games

Trey Parker: South Park co-creator likes to be dirty
Tony Parker: Teammate Bruce Bowen likes to be dirty

Tony Parker: Brought heartbreak to Cleveland Cavs fans
Willie Parker: Brings heartbreak to Cleveland Browns fans

Tony Parker: Won his third title this year
Peter Parker: Won his third box office title this year

Colonel Tom Parker: Couldn’t stop premature death of The King
Tony Parker: Caused premature demise of The King

Bonnie Parker: With Clyde Barrow, was in a gang that shot and robbed
Tony Parker: Is in a gang with Big Shot Rob

Tony Parker: Helped eliminate the Lakers in 2003
Smush Parker: Helped eliminate the Lakers in 2007

Tony Parker: Piling up points in the paint, he’s at home around wide-bodies
Parker Stevenson: When married to Kirstie Alley, he was at home around a wide-body

Dave Parker: Won a championship on a team led by Pops
Tony Parker: Won three championships on teams led by Pop

Tony Parker: Embraces odd-numbered years
Parker Posey: As a Christopher Guest regular, embraces odd characters

Camilla Parker Bowles: Married a prince in 2005
Tony Parker: Defeated Tayshaun Prince in 2005

Dorothy Parker: Known for her mocking wittiness
Tony Parker: Made a mockery of “We are all witnesses”

Tony Parker: FiancĂ©e plays a smokin’ suburbanite on TV
Mary-Louise Parker: Plays a tokin’ suburbanite on TV

Candace Parker: Won this year’s title in Cleveland
Tony Parker: Won this year’s title in Cleveland. Hopefully, Imus won’t comment on the runner-up.

Ray Parker Jr.: Known for asking “Who you gonna call?”
Tony Parker: Plays at the AT&T Center

Jennifer Parker: Marty’s girlfriend in Back To The Future
Tony Parker: Hopes to go back-to-back in the future