Ten More Longs For The First Round

The NFL draft begins Saturday at 3:00pm Eastern time. The Miami Dolphins have already decided to make Michigan offensive tackle Jake Long the #1 overall pick. Soon to go after him, possibly as high as #2, will be Virginia defensive end Chris Long. Chris’s father Howie Long was taken in round two in 1981, but this year’s first round will be all about the Longs. Beyond Jake and Chris, look for these other Longs to be chosen in round one.


3. Atlanta Falcons: Nia Long. The Third Watch star goes third, and as in Big Momma’s House, she’ll be set in Georgia. To make her feel at home, the Falcons’ staff will wear wigs and fat suits.

6. New York Jets: Justin Long. The Mac pitchman should feel at home near the Big Apple.

7. New England Patriots: Shelley Long. Her glory days on Cheers were set in Boston. Coincidentally, most of those shows were secretly filmed on the opponent’s sideline.

9. Cincinnati Bengals: Amy Fisher (“Long Island Lolita”). She knows how to handle a gun, so it’s a perfect fit.

10. New Orleans Saints: Huey Long. The political legend from Louisiana has been dead since 1935. But his home state team has rarely shown much life, either.

12. Denver Broncos: Lionel Richie (“All Night Long”). The team led by Vanderbilt’s Jay Cutler picks another former leader of The Commodores.

13. Carolina Panthers: Jay Bilas. He has to be included in any draft in which the word “Long” is constantly used.

16. Arizona Cardinals: Long Duk Dong. The character from Sixteen Candles goes at #16. His habit of drunkenly falling out of trees drops him from the top 10.

21. Washington Redskins: Long Dong Silver. A porn star made famous during the Clarence Thomas confirmation process, he becomes a big name in DC once again.

23. Pittsburgh Steelers: Long John Silver. He was actually a Pirate, but this is a way better team to play for in Pittsburgh.