Dodgers To Play For Little League World Series Championship

Sunday in Williamsport, Dalton Carriker smashed a walk-off home run in the 8th inning to lift Warner Robins, GA to a dramatic 3-2 victory over Tokyo in the Little League World Series. Carriker’s teammates jubilantly celebrated, believing that they had captured the LLWS title. However, one more obstacle remains for the kids from the Peach State. The championship will actually be at stake on Monday, when Warner Robins takes on the Los Angeles Dodgers.


Monday’s showdown resulted from an obscure loophole in the LLWS bylaws. According to this provision, competition for the Little League title shall be open to any ballclub managed by someone named Little. Therefore, the Grady Little-led Dodgers were entitled to a matchup with Sunday’s winner. The 2002 champions from Louisville benefited from the same rule, as manager Stuart Little became the first animated mouse to capture the title.


The controversial decision sparked an immediate public outcry. As one critic pointed out, “Sure, L.A.’s had a youth movement this year, but not a movement to youth baseball!” Serious questions of fair play have arisen, as rather than 11 and 12-year-old players, the Dodger roster ranges from 22-year-old Matt Kemp to 44-year-old new addition David Wells. Warner Robins parents are particularly concerned about Wells, fearing that he’ll take their kids out drinking before the game.


Little League officials responded that Warner Robins will provide the Dodgers with more of a challenge than their previously scheduled Monday opponents, the Washington Nationals. Also, the Dodger franchise has a strong historical connection with Little League. The LLWS began in 1947, the same year Jackie Robinson ushered in a new era for the Brooklyn Dodgers. Furthermore, Los Angeles has taken to heart the Little League Pledge: “I trust in God. I love my country and will respect its laws. I will play fair and strive to win. But win or lose I will always do my best.” The Dodgers’ version has the slight modifications of “I trust in Lasorda” and “but win or lose I will always hate the Giants.”


Additionally, Warner Robins has reasons for optimism as it enters Monday’s title matchup. Since their 1988 World Series championship, the Dodgers are a woeful 1-12 in playoff games. In their previous postseason showdown with a Georgia ballclub, the Atlanta Braves swept the Dodgers out of the 1996 Division Series. Warner Robins will certainly feel like it has the advantage if L.A. turns to closer Takashi Saito. Carriker proved on Sunday that he can tee off on Japanese relievers.


Despite these issues, the Dodgers do have some items in their favor. They should feel comfortable in Williamsport, having gone 5-2 in Pennsylvania this year. Most significantly for Little, games in the LLWS are shorter than in the ALCS. Therefore, if his starter is leading after six innings, the game is over. Little can’t have a brain-cramp and leave his starter in until the eighth while the opponents tie the game.


Also, the Dodgers’ chances in the Little League World Series will be enhanced by two players who have already been World Series heroes. Taking his regularly scheduled start will be Derek Lowe, the winner in Boston’s Fall Classic clincher in 2004. If late inning heroics are needed, the Dodgers can turn to Luis Gonzalez in hopes of a repeat of his 2001 walk-off single against Mariano Rivera. If it gets desperate, L.A. could even try to reproduce a Kirk Gibson scenario, with a crippled slugger limping to the plate. That situation could arise if Jeff Kent tries to “wash his truck” before his final at-bat.


So the stage is set for Monday, as the Warner Robins kids take their shot against the big leaguers. The Dodgers will try to be the first LLWS champions from California since Long Beach won in 1992 and 1993. They already feel like the spirit of the 1988 postseason is on their side. Broadcasting for ABC, Orel Hershiser will be in the house.

Greg Maddux Admits Fear of Snakes

Friday night, The Arizona Diamondbacks outlasted the Los Angeles Dodgers 9-7 in 15 innings after a walk-off home run by Orlando Hudson. Long before the issue was decided, Los Angeles starter Greg Maddux struggled through five innings in which he yielded ten hits. Afterwards, Maddux confirmed why he has had so little success against the Diamondbacks. The future Hall of Famer admitted that he has an intense fear of Snakes.


The no-decision left Maddux’s career record against Arizona at 1-9, including 0-5 at Chase Field. The futility is shocking for someone who has terrorized the rest of the National League for so long. However, none of those other clubs are known as the Snakes. It is no coincidence that all four of Maddux’s Cy Young Awards were won before the Diamondbacks entered the major leagues in 1998. Frustration boiled over for the normally unflappable pitcher last July during a 13-6 rout of his Chicago Cubs by Arizona. After allowing six earned runs in four innings, Maddux screamed to Cubs manager Dusty Baker, “I’ve had it with these motherf***ing Snakes on this motherf***ing field!”


Maddux does not know the cause for his ophidiophobia, the technical term for a fear of Snakes. Perhaps his cerebral nature backfired in this case, as ophidiophobia is a big word and therefore more likely to affect people with a strong vocabulary. His nickname of Mad Dog could also contribute, as Snakes generally bite only when they feel threatened. He might not feel such anxiety against the Diamondbacks if he were called Friendly Puppy. Whatever the origin of his phobia, one aspect is particularly confounding to observers. The most lethal type of Snake, The Big Unit, is no longer in Arizona and was far more poisonous to hitters than to pitchers.


Maddux’s fear of Snakes has extended beyond his struggles against the Diamondbacks. He refuses to watch Denver Broncos games due to the presence of Jake “The Snake” Plummer. Also, Maddux left the Atlanta Braves after the 2003 season because he dreaded another year in the same division as Phillies manager Larry Bowa. An avid golfer, Maddux refuses to be on the course with anyone who plays with King Cobra clubs. However, by remaining in the National League, he has remained safely away from the Baltimore Orioles’ top prospect, Copperhead McPython.


Other clubs will surely try to use Maddux’s fear against him as the Dodgers head down the stretch. He will likely hear constant hissing noises emanating from the opposing dugout when he takes the mound. Also, Indiana Jones will surely appear on the Jumbotron in other ballparks, complaining, “Snakes. Why’d it have to be Snakes?” The National League has caught on that just as a serpent wrought havoc for Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, the Diamondbacks have done likewise for Maddux in Chase Field. As noted in the Bible, Adam suffered greatly after being banished from the Garden. His ERA skyrocketed, and he suffered a torn elbow ligament – well before Tommy John surgery was available.


Fortunately for Maddux, his next start will be in Dodger Stadium on Wednesday against the Cincinnati Reds. With the Snakes still in Phoenix that night, manager Grady Little expects his pitcher to be back in top form. The Dodger front office is taking no chances, hiring renowned snake wrangler Jules Sylvester to make sure that no intruders get anywhere near Maddux.


Maddux hopes that publicly admitting his fear of Snakes will help him overcome the phobia. In the meantime, he is greatly relieved that he does not have to pitch for the Boston Red Sox. Then he would have to confront something that scares him even more than Snakes: pitching to Javy Lopez.

Ten Reasons Why the Dodgers Have Been Bipolar

Heading into a July 28 home contest versus the Washington Nationals, the Los Angeles Dodgers had lost eight consecutive games. That night, the Dodgers rolled to a 13-1 victory to begin what is now a 10-game winning streak. The club has confounded observers by seemingly turning a switch from ineptitude to excellence. Why has the team been bipolar the past few weeks? Here are ten reasons.


Old School: Many Dodgers watched the movie over the All-Star break, and Will Ferrell convinced them that streaking is the way to go. So the club started a losing streak before deciding that a winning streak is more fun. The Dodgers also pay tribute to the movie with their slogan “Think Blue,” in honor of the fallen 90-year-old frat brother.

Wilson Betemit: The infielder was acquired from the Atlanta Braves on July 28 for Danys Baez and Willy Aybar. That night, Los Angeles began its winning streak. Over the same period, Atlanta is 3-7. Years from now, Braves fans may rue the Curse of the Betemo.

Greg Maddux: The future Hall of Famer, taking his second start as a Dodger tonight, was consistently shelled as a Chicago Cub this season. Getting in the turnaround spirit of his new club, he threw six no-hit innings in his first appearance for Los Angeles. General manager Ned Colletti revealed that he actually traded for the Greg Maddux of 1994.

Theme Parks: The Los Angeles area is filled with them, including Disneyland, Magic Mountain, and Universal. In order to draw families, the Dodgers decided to provide their own roller coaster this summer.

Milton Bradley: Los Angeles traded the combustible outfielder to Oakland in the off-season. Without his unpredictability, the club needed to come up with another way to bring wild mood swings to Dodger Stadium.

Shortstops: In addition to current shortstop Rafael Furcal, the Dodgers have a converted shortstop at second base (Julio Lugo) and third (Betemit). They will have another one at first base when the injured Nomar Garciaparra returns. Any good shortstop should display range, so a team filled with them will naturally be all over the place in its performance.

Floyd Landis: On July 27, Landis was basking in the glow of a Tour de France triumph, while the Dodgers had lost eight in a row. The cyclist’s positive drug test was reported that day. Since his fortunes plummeted, the ballclub was due to rise again to maintain the famous Dodger-Landis equilibrium.

A Tale of Two Cities: The classic by Charles Dickens is on many summer reading lists. Most students don’t want to actually read it, so the Dodgers thought they’d summarize what they need to know: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”

Starting Rotation: Recently acquired Mark Hendrickson stands 6’9.” So like anyone who’s bipolar, the pitching staff displays the high (Hendrickson) and the Lowe (Derek).

Steve Garvey Bobblehead Night: This was the promotion on the night the Dodgers began their winning streak. Seeing the bobblehead go up and down, the players knew that after having been down they were due to go back up again. Reportedly, the Garvey bobblehead was so life-like, it fathered three children out-of-wedlock.


On July 27, the Dodgers were in last place, seven games behind the first place Padres and considered dead by many baseball fans. Today Los Angeles is in second, 1 ½ games back of San Diego and tied for the wild card lead with Cincinnati. A handful of teams have gone the worst-to-first route from one season to the next. The Dodgers want to take that accomplishment to an extreme: doing it within two weeks.

Californians Urged To Cool Off By Wearing Dodger Uniforms

Over the past two weeks, California residents have had to withstand a record-breaking heat wave. Sweltering conditions have led to dozens of deaths and caused fears of blackouts and widespread wildfires. In response, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has drawn inspiration from the Californians who have been the coldest over this period. The governor has implored Golden Staters to cool off by wearing Los Angeles Dodger uniforms.


The Dodgers have provided a model for dealing with the heat by remaining remarkably frigid since the All-Star break, losing 13 of 14 games during that span. Wednesday’s 10-3 drubbing by the San Diego Padres was the eighth consecutive setback for Los Angeles, dropping the club to 7.5 games behind the first-place Padres. The Dodgers’ team ERA has risen in line with the soaring temperatures. Last Saturday in Woodland Hills, the thermometer hit a staggering 119 – roughly the Dodgers’ slugging percentage these days.


As a result, putting on a Dodger uniform should cool off Californians better than any air conditioner could. Immediately the uniform brings a refreshing chill, as well as the experience of striking out with a man in scoring position. However, with safety as a prime concern during the heat wave, residents are advised to use caution. Wearing the Dodger uniform does carry a significant risk of injury. On the bright side, anyone who wears J.D. Drew’s number 7 could get an unexpected bonus – receiving $11 million per year for no apparent reason.


Dodger uniforms are just one of many strategies Governor Schwarzenegger has considered in dealing with the crisis. At one point, the governor volunteered to reprise his role as Mr. Freeze from Batman & Robin and put the entire state on ice. However, advisors got him to reconsider, noting that the mere mention of the awful movie would doom his hopes for re-election this November. As an alternative, Governor Schwarzenegger has held discussions with his Colorado counterpart Bill Owens to see if Owens will send the Coors Light Silver Bullet Train to cool off California.


One area in which the Dodgers will not be able to help residents is with power failures. Tens of thousands of state residents lost power this week, as aging transmission equipment failed under the heavy demand load caused by the heat. However, the Dodgers have no power to spare, ranking last in the National League with 82 home runs. Governor Schwarzenegger remarked with a chuckle, “Only Gray Davis has less power in this state.” He continued, “If the Dodgers keep losing, it’ll be ‘Hasta la vista, Grady.’” The line was in accordance with his re-election slogan “Four more years of tired catchphrases.”


The cooling effect of the Dodger uniforms has given hope to Al Gore in his fight against global warming. The former vice president has requested the creation of gigantic Dodger uniforms, large enough to cover glaciers. One such uniform is already in use, as 290-pound reliever Jonathan Broxton has donated his. Gore is particularly inspired because the sports world made him despondent about the issue just last month. The NBA finals left him convinced that nothing could be done to stop the Heat.


While the Dodgers are doing their part during the heat wave, the neighboring Angels are refusing to keep themselves cool. The Angels are 17-5 during July and have moved into a first place tie with Oakland. With the scorching activity around him, the Rally Monkey is sweating buckets. And he’s begging for a Dodger jersey.

Dodgers Injury Limericks

There was an outfielder named Drew

Whose times in the lineup were few

Watchful fans were alert

That he always was hurt

Except when his contract was due.

 

Another disabled Dodger, but one who has excelled for them:

 

Gagne was the Dodgers closer

To hitters he was a bulldozer

His Canadian heat

Would make them dead meat

As he told them, “Take off, you hosers!”

 

And a classic injured Dodger moment:

 

There was a hurt slugger named Kirk

Whose pinch-hitting seemed doomed not to work

Though his knees were a wreck

He went deep off of Eck

And the fans went completely berserk.