Monday, January 01, 2007

Bobby & Other Knights

With Texas Tech’s 70-68 win over New Mexico, Bobby Knight earned his record-breaking 880th victory to pass Dean Smith on the all-time college basketball list. In honor of the occasion, here is how many other prominent Knights relate to The General.

Christopher Knight: As Peter Brady, he tossed a football that made Marcia’s nose look grotesque. Lucky for her, he didn’t throw a chair.

Wayne Knight: Bobby was teammates with Jerry Lucas on Ohio State’s 1960 national champions. As Newman on Seinfeld, Wayne was also overshadowed by a Jerry.

Knights of the Round Table: King Arthur’s men would admire Bobby for finding the Holy Grail in 1976, 1981, and 1987. But they couldn’t sell him on that “chivalry” concept.

Phil Knight: The former CEO made Nike a hugely popular brand. In Indiana, firing Coach Knight made Myles a hugely unpopular Brand.

Jedi Knight: Like Anakin Skywalker, Bobby often goes to the dark side. But unlike Darth Vader, he got his son to join him.

Ray Knight: Bobby won a title in ’76 thanks to Quinn Buckner. Ray won in ’86 thanks to Bill Buckner.

A Knight’s Tale: Coach Knight has always emphasized strong man-to-man defense. A Knight’s Tale starred Heath Ledger, who did the man-to-man thing in Brokeback Mountain.

Reading Red Knights: Just giving some love to my old high school.

Knights Who Say “Ni”: The Monty Python characters had a habit of uttering nonsense. Bobby coached Isiah Thomas, who never makes sense these days.

Sammy Knight: 116 of Bobby’s victories have come with the Red Raiders. As a Kansas City Chiefs safety, Sammy can thank the Raiders for two wins every year.

Eric Knight: He was a writer who created the character of Lassie. Bobby treats writers like dogs.

Michael Knight: The main character in Knight Rider (besides KITT) was played by David Hasselhoff, whose singing inspires Dirk Nowitzki. So like Coach Knight, he leads hoopsters to victory in Texas.

T.R. Knight: He’s in the cast of Grey’s Anatomy. Like Bobby with his players, the doctors can’t keep their hands off each other.

Rutgers Scarlet Knights: Last Thursday, Bobby failed in his first attempt to pass Dean Smith. That same evening, the Scarlet Knights were crushed in the Dean Smith Center.

Jordan Knight: He was a member of New Kids On The Block, which formed in 1984 and claimed many gold records. Another Jordan/Knight group formed in 1984 and earned gold medals.

The Dark Knight: The next Batman film will once again star Christian Bale. Police in Puerto Rico refer to Bobby as American Psycho.

Suge Knight: Like the Death Row Records mogul, Bobby’s had no shortage of feuds. But he doesn’t shoot his rivals – only his hunting partners.

Ted Knight: He starred in Caddyshack, in which a gopher caused havoc on the golf course. At Indiana, Bobby seldom had problems with the Gophers.

Gladys Knight: She and the Pips are members of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, while Coach Knight is in the Basketball Hall of Fame. Inductees to either Hall receive free breadsticks for life at Pizza Hut.

The Knights of Prosperity: The new ABC comedy is about a plan to rob Mick Jagger. Like Bobby, Mick still works in large arenas in his 60s.