Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The MLB Sub-500

On Sunday, Dario Franchitti won the rain-shortened Indianapolis 500, which was called with 34 laps remaining. Falling short of 500 is an experience currently shared by 15 major league clubs. Life isn’t as glorious for them as Franchitti these days, and they won’t be getting post-game kisses from Ashley Judd. Here’s a quick look at the MLB Sub-500.

San Francisco Giants: 24-25. In Sunday’s loss to Colorado, Barry Bonds moved closer to the all-time record. His stolen base left him 895 behind Rickey Henderson.

Baltimore Orioles: 24-27. Yesterday, they routed Kansas City after Johns Hopkins edged Duke for the NCAA lacrosse title. So both Baltimore teams beat opponents who took last year off.

Colorado Rockies: 24-27. They’ve actually won six in a row, earning the coveted status of “hottest last place team in the majors.”

Florida Marlins: 24-27. Their weekend sweep by the Mets was capped by Julio Franco’s pinch-hit RBI single on Sunday. Florida is always accommodating to old people from New York.

Toronto Blue Jays: 23-27. “No Canadian champs since ‘93” is true in both hockey and baseball. If you want the drought to end, focus on the Senators.

Chicago Cubs: 22-27. At 2-12 in one-run games, they’ve been as effective in tight situations as Dr. Smith from Lost in Space.

Pittsburgh Pirates: 22-28. Before being shut out by Cincinnati on Monday, Pittsburgh scored 33 runs in the first three games of the series. I guess all Pirates were putting up big numbers over the weekend.

New York Yankees: 21-28. Roger Clemens will likely join the Yanks after Monday’s start for Scranton/Wilkes-Barre. He’ll still be pitching for a minor league club.

Tampa Bay Devil Rays: 21-28. They’ve finally realized their longtime goal of being on par with the Yankees.

Houston Astros: 21-29. During their eight-game losing streak, the Astros have scored just 16 runs. Only Lindsay Lohan has had a tougher time getting home.

St. Louis Cardinals: 20-28. Following the lead of the Steelers, Hurricanes, and Heat, here’s another defending champ who won’t be winning any playoff games.

Washington Nationals: 21-30. They were off on Monday, so the national holiday was a holiday for the Nationals.

Cincinnati Reds: 19-33. Which Cincinnati performance has been worse: the Reds on the field, or the Bengals off the field?

Kansas City Royals: 19-33. The Royals are 9-19 at home. Looks like Trent Green isn’t the only one in KC who’d rather play somewhere else.

Texas Rangers: 18-33. Over the weekend, they were swept at home by the Red Sox, who headed to Boston after flourishing in Texas. Celtics fans wish the same were true of Kevin Durant.