Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Tagliabue's Retirement Plan

On Monday, NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue announced that he will retire in July.  Tagliabue has had a highly regarded tenure since replacing Pete Rozelle in 1989.  No work stoppages have occurred on his watch, and the NFL’s popularity towers over other professional sports leagues.

 

 

The departing commissioner has an endless number of possibilities for what he can do next.  One can only imagine what suggestions that other public figures who have retired would have for him.  Here’s how a few individuals – past and present - might have advised Tagliabue on how to spend his retirement.

 

 

Keith Jackson:  Return in the fall, but only as the commissioner for west coast teams

 

Michael Jordan:  Try your luck at minor league baseball

 

Jim Brown:  Become a film action hero

 

Sugar Ray Leonard:  Un-retire a bunch of times before the retirement actually sticks

 

Richard Nixon:  Fly off in a helicopter and get pardoned by Gerald Ford

 

Johnny Carson:  Before you go, get Bette Midler to come by and sing to you

 

Roger Clemens:  Keep people in the dark about whether you’re really retiring or not

 

Bill Clinton:  Have your wife run for the Senate

 

John Wooden:  Watch as replacements regularly get hired, then fired for not measuring up to you

 

Grace Kelly:  Marry a European prince

 

Mark McGwire:  Refuse to talk about the past

 

Joe Namath:  Show up drunk on the sideline and hit on a reporter

 

Ted Koppel:  Have three people take your place

 

Secretariat:  Get put out to stud, siring potential future commissioners

 

Joe Paterno:  Retire?  What does that mean?

 

 

Tagliabue does not plan to immediately move into a retirement home.  However, when that day arrives, the facility will surely be equipped with luxury boxes.  And the bingo games will be played under a revenue-sharing agreement.