Thursday, November 29, 2007

Top Christmas Toys - For Football Coaches

It’s that time of year again, when kids around the country clamor for the most popular toys as Christmas gifts. The most coveted presents of all can be found here. These prized items – 10 for boys and 10 for girls - can bring joy not only to children, but to football coaches in college and the NFL. Granted, the only fat guy kids care about is Santa Claus, not Mark Mangino or Ralph Friedgen. But here’s a look at those coveted toys, and which coaches would be appropriate recipients of them as gifts.


TMX Cookie Monster & TMX Ernie: Herman Edwards. The Chiefs coach will impart a valuable lesson to the Sesame Street characters. “Why do we play?” Not to build friendships, or smile, or share things, but to “Win the game!”

LEGO Mindstorms: Eric Mangini. “Mindstorms” should appeal to the “Mangenius.” Oh wait, this one should have been on the 2006 list.

Pleo Dinosaur: Joe Paterno and Bobby Bowden. They’d get to consult with one of their contemporaries.

Transformers Toys: Urban Meyer. He’ll add to his existing transformer – a quarterback who transforms into a fullback.

Nintendo DS: Brad Childress. Since Darren Sharper and Dwight Smith each had a pick-6 last week, the Vikings coach is happy to add another “DS.”

Nintendo Wii: Cam Cameron. Unlike the Dolphins, at least “Wii” has a W.

R/C Spy Video Car: Bill Belichick. Duh.

Kid Tough Digital Camera: June Jones. Considering his Warriors’ schedule, the Hawaii coach is used to things that are kid-tough.

EyeClops Bionic Eye: Houston Nutt. Taking over at Ole Miss, which went winless in the SEC, he’ll need vision that no one else seems to have.

Power Guitar: Lane Kiffin. Since he works for Al Davis, it’s the only way he’ll get any power.


Webkinz: Nick Saban.
The coveted plush toys inspired a craze, before shortages ensued. The coveted Bama coach inspired crazed fans, before a victory shortage ensued.

FurReal Friends: Dennis Franchione. Having been forced out at Texas A&M, he could probably use some friends these days.

iDog, iCat, and iFish: Mark Richt, Rich Brooks, and Jeff Fisher. They’re Dawg, Cat, and Fish, respectively.

Kid Tough Digital Camera: I just said June Jones! Pay attention, dammit!

Barbie Girls: Wade Phillips. As Tony Romo’s coach, he’s used to having blondes around.

2007 Holiday Collector Barbie: Lloyd Carr. Like the special-edition doll, you won’t see him next year either.

Hannah Montana Singing Doll: Mike Nolan. The 49ers coach desperately needs a Montana on his team.

Digi Makeover: Bill Callahan. He can only hope his next makeover works better than the one he tried in Lincoln.

FurReal Friends Butterscotch Pony: Tom Coughlin. He’ll settle for a pony, but as far as Mannings go, he’d rather have a Colt.

Amazing Allysen: Les Miles. The “AA” initials appeal to him, whether it’s Amazing Allysen or Ann Arbor.