Dick Vitale Assesses the MLB Division Series

The NCAA basketball season doesn’t tip off until next month, but college hoops icon Dick Vitale is animated as always about the sports world. Also an avid fan of the other “b-ball,” Dickie V is particularly excited about the major league division series. He shared his thoughts in the following interview.


Interviewer: Dickie V, thanks for appearing with us. Let’s start with the NL East champion New York Mets. They cruised to the best record in the National League, but the Los Angeles Dodgers come into Shea Stadium on a roll. How do you see this series shaping up?

Dick Vitale: It’s gonna be super, scintillating, sensational! The Dodgers in the Big Apple – just like their Brooklyn days, baby! When Duke Snider was a PTP’er in centerfield! The fans just loved watching Duke in New York, baby! Which I’ll do December 21 as the Dukies take on Gonzaga in Madison Square Garden! It’s gonna be awesome, baby!

I: Okay…, but there will be plenty of time to talk about the Blue Devils later. Staying in New York, the Yankees are heavy favorites versus the Detroit Tigers. Does Detroit have a chance against the Bronx Bombers?

DV: Justin Verlander was a diaper dandy on the mound this season! And Jim Leyland did an unbelievable job managing that team. But he’s no Coach K, baby! The Yankees are just like the Dukies – everyone loves to hate them because they win, baby! And that lineup – are you serious? It all starts with Johnny Damon, which sounds like Johnny Dawkins - part of an unbelievable coaching staff with Wojo and Chris Collins! They’ll be flat-out awesome as head coaches, baby!

I: Dick, we’re supposed to be talking about baseball here. We all know how you feel about Duke basketball, but please stay on topic. Now…, the St. Louis Cardinals really struggled down the stretch. Can they recover in San Diego against the Padres?

DV: You gotta love Albert Pujols - an All-Rolls Roycer on the diamond, baby!

I: Okay, that’s better…

DV: But I have to go with the Padres and my favorite player, Mike Cameron! His name combines two of my favorite things – Mike Krzyzewski and the Cameron Crazies! The Cardinals have great fans, but they don’t compare to those wackos in Durham, baby! Such enthusiasm! And with perfect SAT scores – they even cured cancer and brought peace to the Middle East, baby!

I: That is completely ridiculous! What world are you living in? Ugggh, why do I even bother? Let’s just get through this. The fourth series pits the Minnesota Twins against the Oakland A’s.

DV: Frank Thomas is awesome for Oakland, baby! He’s the Big Hurt, which is what Josh McRoberts will be in the paint this year! You gotta love the Athletics, ‘cause they remind us that Duke is all that’s right with college athletics…

I: Okay, I’ve heard enough. This was just a waste of…

DV: But the Twins are my pick to hoist the World Series trophy, baby! Johan Santana is a special, special pitcher! And that home crowd will be a huge advantage, going bananas in Minneapolis…

I: Finally! Some actual analysis of the postseason – was that so hard?

DV: It’ll be celebration city in the Metrodome, baby!

I: Okay. Well…

DV: Just like when the Dukies cut down the nets there in ’92 and ’01! Hey, somebody call Christian Laettner! Somebody call Shane Battier! It’ll be just like Durham in the Twin Cities, baby…

I: That’s it! We’re done here!


The interviewer quickly gathered his things and left the scene. Vitale continued to scream, “Coach K is awesome, baby!” while bystanders avoided eye contact. Security soon escorted him from the premises.

Vitale Comments On American League Playoffs

It’s still more than a month until college basketball begins, but Dick Vitale is always eager to be heard.  Yesterday he was asked for his analysis of the American League Division Series.  Here is an excerpt from that interview.

 

Interviewer:  Dickie V, the White Sox had the most victories in the American League, yet most observers view them as underdogs.  What do you think of their chances?

Vitale:  Oh, you gotta love the White Sox, baby!  They’re from Chicago, and you know who else is from the Windy City?  Coach K, baby!  So is his assistant, Chris Collins – somebody give that guy a head coaching job!  Are you serious?  Johnny Dawkins and Wojo on the same bench?  What an unbelievable coaching staff, baby!

Interviewer:  Yeah… uh, what about the Red Sox?  Will they be able to repeat?

Vitale:  I love the Red Sox too, baby, because “Red Sox” sounds like “Redick,” the best shooter in college basketball – bar none!  He’s automatic with the trifecta, baby…

Interviewer:  Okay, this interview has nothing to do with Duke.  Red Sox Nation wants to hear about David Ortiz, not J.J. Redick.

Vitale:  The Boston fans are special, but they can’t compete with the Cameron Crazies, baby!  I just love those wackos – 1800 on their SATs and they’re painting their faces and screaming like maniacs – you gotta love it, baby!

Interviewer:  First of all, you can’t score more than 1600 on the SAT.  Secondly, and most importantly, we’re supposed to be talking about BASEBALL!  Ugggh, what about the other series?  Will Randy Johnson and the Yankee pitching staff get the job done?

Vitale:  They call him the Big Unit, but you know who the REAL Big Unit is?  Sheldon Williams, baby!  He just owns the paint – a spectacular inside-outside combo with Mr. Redick!  And don’t forget about the diaper dandies Coach K brought in…

Interviewer:  For the love of God, if you go on for one more second about Duke, I’ll lose it!  Now… oh, why am I bothering… what about the Angels?

Vitale:  Vladimir Guerrero is a real PTPer, baby, a Rolls Roycer!  He’s super, scintillating, sensational!

Interviewer:  Finally, a comment that’s actually about baseball!

Vitale:  And Mike Scioscia is a real maestro on the bench, baby!  There’s no better coach in any sport in southern California…

Interviewer:  Okay, now we’re getting somewhere…

Vitale:  But that’s because Coach K didn’t go to the Lakers, baby!  And why would he ever leave Durham?  It’s a special, special place!  The tradition, the Cameron Crazies…

Interviewer:  That’s it, I’m outta here!

 

After the interviewer stormed off, Vitale continued to jump up and down, screaming about all things Blue Devil.  A group of men managed to fit him with a straitjacket and take him from the scene.  He is currently secure in a padded room, periodically yelling, “Coach K is awesome, baby!”