ACC Halftime Report

We’ve reached the midpoint of conference play in the ACC basketball season. How do things look? In order of the current standings, here are some quick hits on each of the 12 teams.


Duke: 8-0 Conference; 20-1 Overall. Coach K has the Devils at the top of their game, and now we know why he was chosen to coach at the Beijing Olympics this summer. It’s the Year of the Rat in China.

North Carolina: 6-2; 21-2. Ty Lawson’s injury is only a temporary issue. The long-range problem? There’s no “D” in “Tar Heels.”

Clemson: 5-3; 17-5. The Tigers desperately hope to end their winless streak in Chapel Hill this Sunday. If UNC somehow falls to 52-1, the ’72 Dolphins will storm the Smith Center court.

Maryland: 5-3; 15-8. Bambale Osby is fulfilling the promise he showed at Carver High School in the late 70’s. Any White Shadow fans out there?

Virginia Tech: 5-4; 14-9. Three of the Hokies’ conference wins have come in overtime. So they’re hoping that all ACC Tournament games will be scheduled for 45 minutes.

North Carolina State: 4-4; 15-7. Freshman star J.J. Hickson gives ACC fans what they’ve wanted for years: a J.J.-led team that’s completely mediocre.

Georgia Tech: 4-4; 11-10. In conference, the Yellow Jackets are 1-3 at home and 3-1 on the road. Is Eli Manning their point guard?

Wake Forest: 3-5; 13-8. The future looks bright, and Chris Paul is lighting up the NBA. But once again, I have to ask: why does the Demon Deacon mascot wear a bowtie on his CHIN? Somebody answer me!

Boston College: 3-5; 12-9. The Eagles have dropped five straight games. Fortunately for them, Boston fans are way more disappointed by a team that’s lost 1 of its last 19.

Florida State: 3-6; 14-10. Guard Isaiah Swann is out with a torn ACL. Unlike for other FSU athletes, this ACL stands for Anterior Cruciate Ligament, not Academic Cheating Loss.

Miami: 2-6; 15-7. This slumping Miami team can’t help itself by trading Shaq.

Virginia: 1-7; 11-10. At 10-2 when the new year arrived, they’re just 1-8 since. Giuliani’s had a less disappointing 2008.

Why The ACC Beat The Big Ten Again

Another ACC-Big Ten Challenge is in the books, and for the eighth time in as many attempts, the ACC has come out on top in the basketball showdown. On four of those occasions, the ACC wound up with a one-game advantage, but this time it was a decisive 8-3 edge. Why did the Big Ten come up short again? Here are some reasons.


Air Force: Wednesday night, the Falcons pummeled Wake Forest - the one ACC team not participating in the Challenge - by 36 points. Clearly, the Big Ten needs to add some service academies to take down the ACC.

Hillary Clinton: The Big Ten is headquartered in Park Ridge, Illinois, hometown of the New York senator. The conference followed her example, since she doesn’t play well in the South.

National Hockey League: The Challenge began on Monday, when visitors from Michigan saw a “Home of the Stanley Cup Champions” sign in Raleigh. Confusion immediately ensued.

Big Ben: “Big Ten” sounds like “Big Ben,” and both Ben Roethlisberger and Ben Wallace had a tough week.

Football Conference Championship: Shortly after a 1-2 matchup between Ohio State and Michigan, Big Ten schools were amused to hear that the ACC football championship game will match Wake Forest and Georgia Tech. Periodic fits of giggling interrupted many Big Ten game plans.

Abbreviations: It’s cool for college students to talk in shorthand. The Atlantic Coast Conference is usually abbreviated, but you never hear anyone call the Big Ten Conference the BTC.

James Delany: The Big Ten commissioner is a North Carolina alumnus, so he still has a soft spot for his old conference.

2004-05 Michigan State: The Spartans lost to Duke in the Challenge but later eliminated the Blue Devils from the Sweet 16. Counting on NCAA tournament rematches, many Big Ten teams thought it would be best to lose now.

Network Programming: ABC and CBS clearly favor the ACC. It’s Boston Legal and CSI: Miami, not Bloomington Legal and CSI: West Lafayette.

The Eyes Don’t Have It: Both the Iowa Hawkeyes and the Ohio State Buckeyes lost their games. Other body parts were undefeated, as the North Carolina Tar Heels triumphed.

Cocktails: The Big Ten fared well in games involving alcoholic drinks, as the Purdue Boilermakers edged Virginia, and Northwestern topped the Miami Hurricanes. Unfortunately, there were nine other matchups. Next year, expect Big Ten press releases to refer to the Duke Blue Hawaiians and the Virginia Tech Fighting Martinis.

Dry Floors: In 2001, a Challenge game between Michigan State and Virginia was cancelled due to condensation on the Richmond Coliseum court. UVA was leading in the second half when the game was called. This year, no courts were too wet for play, so every Big Ten team had to play the entire second half.

Williams: The ACC is the league of the Williams, and Roy and Gary both won their Challenge games. So Minnesota was doomed as it took on Clemson in Williams Arena.

Florida-UCLA: The Big Ten is 2-0 in Challenge games featuring a rematch of the previous spring’s national championship game (Maryland-Indiana in 2002, North Carolina-Illinois in 2005). No such opportunity arose this time, since the Gators and Bruins refused to switch conferences for this event.

Quirky Trophies: Big Ten football showdowns often have a kitschy prize at stake, such as The Old Oaken Bucket or The Little Brown Jug. The conference would take the Challenge more seriously if an item from Cracker Barrel went to the winner.

College World Series: Links Between the ACC & Non-ACC Participants

The College World Series begins today at Rosenblatt Stadium in Omaha. Four of the eight teams – Clemson, Georgia Tech, North Carolina, and Miami – have an obvious connection to each other as fellow members of the ACC. The bonds between these four and Cal State Fullerton, Georgia, Oregon State, and Rice may not be as obvious. However, each ACC participant does share links to its non-conference counterparts, as illustrated by notable individuals who have spent time at the schools.


CLEMSON:

Cal State Fullerton: Marc Cherry created Desperate Housewives
Clemson: Kris Benson has a wife who’s desperate for attention

Clemson: Dwight Clark teamed up with Jerry Rice
Georgia: Wayne Knight, as Newman, tormented Jerry Seinfeld

Clemson: Brian Dawkins motivates his Philadelphia Eagles teammates
Oregon State: Sara Jean Underwood, Playboy’s Miss July, motivates sperm donors

Rice: Norm Charlton was one of the Cincinnati Reds’ “Nasty Boys”
Clemson: Strom Thurmond kept doing the nasty in old age, fathering four children after turning 68


GEORGIA TECH:

Georgia Tech: John Salley co-hosts The Best Damn Sports Show Period
Cal State Fullerton: Kevin Costner’s The Postman was called “the worst damn movie period”

Georgia: The Heat’s Shandon Anderson seeks the Larry O’Brien Trophy
Georgia Tech: Jeff Foxworthy seeks yuks with Larry the Cable Guy

Oregon State: Linus Pauling won Nobel Prizes in chemistry and peace
Georgia Tech: Stephon Marbury disrupts his team’s chemistry and peace

Georgia Tech: Football coach Chan Gailey once coached the Cowboys
Rice: Larry McMurtry wrote a screenplay about gay cowboys


NORTH CAROLINA:

Cal State Fullerton: Gwen Stefani, with No Doubt, sang “Don’t Speak”
North Carolina: Stuart Scott inspires many viewers to wish he didn’t speak

North Carolina: Louise Fletcher, as Nurse Ratched, worked in a nuthouse
Georgia: Zell Miller, as a U.S. senator, works in a nuthouse

Oregon State: High jumper Dick Fosbury invented the Fosbury Flop
North Carolina: The Matt Doherty coaching era was a flop

North Carolina: Julius Peppers leaves quarterbacks “All Shook Up”
Rice: Lance Berkman is called “Fat Elvis”


MIAMI:

Miami: The Rock starred in Walking Tall
Cal State Fullerton: Bruce Bowen is tall and sometimes walks

Georgia: Champ Bailey puts hits on opponents
Miami: Suzy Kolber got hit on by Joe Namath

Miami: Gloria Estefan promised, “The rhythm is gonna get you”
Oregon State: Chad Johnson proved her correct with his touchdown dances

Rice: Alberto Gonzales is the United States attorney general
Miami: The U’s football players generally need attorneys


The involvement of eight teams, as well as the double-elimination format, makes the College World Series different from its major league counterpart. However, one thing remains the same: no one from the National League will win this World Series, either.

The ACC's Dirty Dozen

Saturday afternoon, the Atlantic Coast Conference made history by having 12 of its players among the 32 first round selections in the NFL draft. Interestingly, none of the 12 were from Virginia Tech, the league’s only top 10 team last season. However, four ACC players shook hands with commissioner Paul Tagliabue before Matt Leinart or anyone from the SEC did so. While Ohio State claimed top honors for one program with five first rounders, the ACC averaged one first round pick for each of its members. Below are some notes on the chosen 12.


1. Houston Texans: Mario Williams, DE, North Carolina State. Williams has been billed by many as the next version of Julius Peppers. Texans fans preferred this version of Vince Young. Nationally, Williams is known as “Not Reggie Bush.”

4. New York Jets: D’Brickashaw Ferguson, OT, Virginia. His name was based on that of the priest played by Richard Chamberlain in The Thorn Birds. So while Charlie Ward greatly impacted ACC football, so did Rachel Ward.

6. San Francisco 49ers: Vernon Davis, TE, Maryland. Fellow tight end Kellen Winslow was also the sixth overall selection two years ago. 49ers officials will zap Davis with a stun gun if he gets within 30 yards of a motorcycle.

9. Detroit Lions: Ernie Sims, OLB, Florida State. Afterward, Lions president Matt Millen sheepishly admitted that he thought Sims played wide receiver.

13. Cleveland Browns: Kamerion Wimbley, DE, Florida State. Coach Romeo Crennel’s defense will continue to improve. However, the offense couldn’t score on Paris Hilton.

14. Philadelphia Eagles: Brodrick Bunkley, DT, Florida State. Three of the top 14 picks were Seminoles, but FSU was only 8-5 last season. Fortunately, Bunkley’s new teammates don’t want to hear anything about 2005.

15. St. Louis Rams: Tye Hill, CB, Clemson. Hill won the ACC championship in the 60 meter (indoor) and 100 meter (outdoors) sprints. Unfortunately for the Rams, he only runs fast in metric.

19. San Diego Chargers: Antonio Cromartie, CB, Florida State. Due to a knee injury, Cromartie didn’t even play last year. However, San Diego got caught up in the FSU trend and had to have a Seminole of their own.

22. San Francisco 49ers: Manny Lawson, OLB, North Carolina State. Still hoping to keep Lawson on campus, NCSU athletic director Lee Fowler has offered him the basketball coaching job.

26. Buffalo Bills: John McCargo, DT, North Carolina State. For those keeping score on the first round: NC State 3, Texas & USC 2 apiece.

31. Seattle Seahawks: Kelly Jennings, CB, Miami. The Seahawks wanted to take someone else, but it’s now a league rule that a Cane must be chosen in the first round.

32. New York Giants: Mathias Kiwanuka, DE, Boston College. Mathias is proud to be the grandson of the late Benedicto Kiwanuka, a Ugandan prime minister and human rights advocate who hated to see people suffer. Except for quarterbacks.


Surely ACC commissioner John Swofford is swelling with pride over his league’s representation. In contrast, no ACC men’s basketball team advanced to the Elite Eight last month. Reportedly, Swofford shrugged off that disappointment, noting, “What do you expect? We’re a football conference!”

There's No Place Like Home in the ACC & Big Ten

In today’s world, traveling can bring numerous hassles.  Airport security lines are long, freeways are congested, and zeppelin service is appallingly limited.  Leaving home is especially treacherous thus far during conference basketball play in the ACC and Big Ten.  In these leagues, home is where the victory is.

 

 

In the ACC, the home team won the first ten conference matchups before Duke routed Wake Forest in Winston-Salem Sunday night.  The Deacons were hampered by the Blue Devils’ accuracy from three-point land, as well as by having a mascot with a bow tie on his chin.  Seriously, why does the Demon Deacon have a bow tie on his chin?  Normal deacons wear their ties in the typical spot – do the demonic ones just have to be different?  If any Wake Forest fans are reading, please clear up this mystery for me.

 

 

Similarly, home teams are 9-1 in Big Ten conference play.  As in the ACC, the only road winner was the overwhelming preseason favorite - Northwestern???  Really?  Someone’s messing with me – I need to check this out.  (Pause for “Jeopardy!” theme music).  Okay, it’s actually true!  The Wildcats defeated Minnesota 57-49 in Minneapolis.  With the Vikings’ season completed, another team stepped up to embarrass Twin Cities sports fans.

 

 

No team exemplified the power of the home court more than Illinois.  On Thursday, the sixth-ranked Illini knocked off #7 Michigan State 60-50 in Champaign.  Illinois guard Dee Brown looked like a national player of the year candidate with a career-high 34 points.  In Iowa on Saturday, Brown played like Dee, the sarcastic sister from “What’s Happening!!” – managing a mere six points on 2-13 shooting in a 63-48 defeat.  The ghost of Rerun shed a tear as the Illini fell from the ranks of the unbeaten.

 

 

Other highly-ranked teams found the road to be unkind over the weekend.  Michigan State stumbled again on Sunday – this time at Wisconsin.  #11 Boston College dropped to 0-2 as a new ACC member with a loss at Georgia Tech.  Still not used to its new conference, the Eagles originally traveled to Georgetown before scrambling to Atlanta in time for tip-off.  #14 Maryland succumbed 84-70 at Miami, due largely to dominating performances from Shaquille O’Neal and Dwyane Wade.

 

 

#13 North Carolina State was hoping to be different on Saturday.  The Wolfpack was in the unaccustomed position of being higher-ranked than hated rival, #25 North Carolina.  The Pack left Chapel Hill in a much more familiar state – on the losing end.  The Tar Heels scored the last 13 points in an 82-69 victory.  UNC’s proficiency from the foul line was key.  The Heels converted 26 of 28 free throw attempts, with freshman star Tyler Hansbrough hitting all 14 of his tries.  As a result, Wolfpack head coach Herb Sendek plans to devote extra practice time to improving his team’s free throw defense.

 

 

Surprisingly, this trend was almost disrupted early as Virginia Tech nearly shocked Duke in Cameron Indoor Stadium on December 4.  Leading by 11 points with under five minutes remaining, Duke almost collapsed as Mike Krzyzewski believed in his American Express commercials a little too much.  During time-outs, he was heard screaming to his team, “Don’t ask me what to do – I don’t think of myself as a basketball coach!!!”  Only Sean Dockery’s 40-foot buzzer beater saved the Blue Devils from a stunning one-point defeat.  As consolation for the Hokies, Marcus Vick won a halftime “Step on the Most Guys” contest over Christian Laettner.

 

 

It remains to be seen whether the road woes in these powerhouse conferences will continue.  On Tuesday, nationally-ranked Wisconsin and North Carolina travel to unranked Minnesota and Virginia Tech, respectively.  Although favored, Badgers coach Bo Ryan and Tar Heel leader Roy Williams should take no chances.  They should leave the road jerseys at home “by mistake” and have their players suit up in the home whites.