Friday, August 12, 2005

It's All About T.O.

Terrell Owens has always been Terrific on Offense, even to those who consider him Totally Obnoxious.  He is both Talented and Outrageous in the Talkative, Outspoken mold of John McEnroe (once married to Tatum O’Neal).  Perhaps he felt something to prove as he entered the league from Tennessee-Chattanooga, Overlooked by major college programs.  He scored Touchdowns Often with the 49ers, but the Sharpie incident was Thoroughly Over-the-top.  While his play was Thrilling and Outstanding, his Tempestuous Orations drove teammates and management to drink Tequila and Ouzo.  So San Francisco Tired Of him, and he was Traded Out to Philadelphia.


The Eagles, a Tremendous Organization, hoped he would help them Triumph Over the rest of the NFL.  He delivered immediately, reaching the end zone on Three Occasions in the opener as the fans gave him a Thunderous Ovation.  While he gave the Eagles a Tremendous Opportunity to win the NFC, he continued to be Theatrically Oriented.  He Tore Off banners in Cleveland and helped Nicollette Sheridan Towel Off on Monday Night Football.  But a Terrible Obstacle arose as his fibula was fractured after being Tackled Outside by Roy Williams (not the Title-winning, Old school UNC coach, just to clarify).  A return, even in the postseason, was Thought Out of the question.


But he remained Tenaciously Optimistic and Treated Obstacles with disdain.  Against Titanic Odds, he returned to play in the Televised Orgy of commercialism known as the Super Bowl and practically Took Over.  Unfortunately, the Eagles came up just short, the Trophy Out of reach.  But his Toughness?  Overlooked by no one, even his harshest critics.


However, the True Outpouring of love Turned Out to be a Temporary Offering.  He Talked Openly of renegotiating his seven-year contract after one season, causing a Talk radio Outcry.  Some observers noted that NFL contracts are Truly One-sided toward management, but most fans viewed his actions as a Treasonous Offense.  He Taunted Ownership by Threatening Out of camp before ultimately showing up to Training On-time.  But he showed himself to be anything but Team Oriented, and his selfish attitude was Tiresome and Offensive to Andy Reid.  So he was Tossed Out of camp for a week.  Interviewed by the media, he acted like a Toddler Outside his house.


It remains to be seen how everything will Turn Out.  But one thing is Totally Obvious: In his world, as in this Top-notch, Overwhelmingly brilliant column, it’s all about T.O.